Fear Itself
by underhandlilies
Summary: Going to military school is supposed to CURE Cloud of all his fears—but now that he's face to face with his ultimate fear, he can't really face it. Sorry, Mom. AU
1. The Setup

_the setup._

There were things in life that frightened Cloud. Badly. More than anything else in the entire world.

Squirrels. Oh, how squirrels were scary. They weren't chubby and sweet and tiny like chipmunks, and didn't have those little eyes that looked rather sweet; they were _evil, _with that coarse, gray hair that looked rather like Cloud's grandmother's old bingo pal, and those tiny, beady eyes that reminded Cloud rather of his grandmother's bingo pal too. God, his grandma's bingo pal was scary. And as a result, Cloud was also traumatized by the term "Bingo" (Don't ask).

Lollipops. There was something about lollipops that made Cloud's skin crawl unpleasantly, leaving all that sticky, slimy sugar all around your mouth. Sure, some people claimed that all the cool people sucked on lollipops. Heck, some even claimed that it turned them on. Cloud didn't actually know what "turning it on" meant-he always was rather naïve-but he did know that lollipops turned him off more than anything.

Ah, after those two, _so _many things were scary as well. Clowns, piranhas, crocodiles and alligators (referred to differently because they were definitely not the same, no, nope), and a whole number of little things that all made their way into hundreds of little yellow chocobo notebooks, all stacked neatly underneath Cloud's bed for no apparent reason other than a family psychiatrist had claimed it would "let out his inhibitions".

In Nibelheim-aka, sweet little hick town somewhere in the middle of nowhere, commonly known as "Cloud's home sweet home"-no one was afraid of anything. Bandersnatch? Aw, heck, those things are too _easy _to kill! Mountain lion? Eh, they make great pickings for a family of more than five, especially if you roast the cubs. With mentalities like _that_, Cloud stuck out like a sore swollen thumb. Everyone wasn't at all sure what sort of medical ailment Cloud had, but it wasn't really certain, no matter how hard they tried.

The truth was, Cloud didn't really have _any _kind of medical ailment; he was just under an extreme emotion that no one in Nibelheim really knew-_fear. _

And thus, as was always the way with those who do not understand, Nibelheim tried to cure it.

It didn't help, however, that Cloud was a scrawny little thing. As far as anyone knew, he only grew an inch or so a year. Whenever anyone dared take him mountain lion hunting, they had to keep a close eye on him to make sure that his quarry didn't end up dragging him away. Bandersnatches were _out _of the picture. They even tried giving him the speech-if his father had been the greatest hunter and bravest in the land Cloud could do it too. (This didn't work because, in truth, no one knew if he actually had been the greatest and bravest hunter in the land, and Nibelheimers were bad at convincingly lying.)

But it just wasn't working.

So, in despair, they left him alone, and found more useful ways to occupy their time. Cloud, meanwhile, grew up a mini, frightened thing, easily intimidated by the bullies and not taken along on any father-son hunting missions because a) he didn't have a father, at least so far as he knew, and b) he couldn't hunt for the life of him because he was afraid of blood.

This could have gone on forever..._except _that while he did lack a father to do fatherly things with, he did have a mother: a mother who was pretty strong in the aspects of both motherhood...and fatherhood. She claimed to know everything about her kid-and, as most mothers, she did, counting the "spidey senses" of knowing when Cloud was raiding the fridge, and minus the necessary emotions and worries of the normal teenage kid.

So, as most mothers often do, Mrs. Strife sat her son down on the ripped couch in what was claimed to be the living room, opting for the wicker chair herself, and set out all his favorite foods in front of him on the low coffee table-quite a feat, for though Cloud did love foods, he was a very picky eater.

Mrs. Strife waited very patiently for Cloud's eyes to stop bulging and for him to start stuffing his cheeks before she began. "Now Cloud," she said, "I realize that you're rather...different from the other children, in many ways."

Cloud nodded happily, his mouth stuffed with cake, having also adhered to another commonality of teenage boys-the act of eating and not at all listening to what your mother is saying to you.

"So, I want to find a way to have you...fit in. Feel better about yourself...not be...afraid all the time." Mrs. Strife wrung her hands in her lap, looking tearful. Cloud stuffed another bonbon-(freakin' bonbons? He _never _got these!) -into his already fullish mouth and smiled around it. There was nothing frightening about sweets.

"So, honey, I know you might be mad at me, but..." Mrs. Strife leaned worriedly forwards, "I've signed you up for the army."

Dead. Silence.

A bonbon fell to the floor.

Suddenly, Cloud felt sick.

"What?"

"I've enlisted you. You're going to attend Shinra Military Academy."

"_What_?"

"You need to have some way to feel better about yourself and stop being scared of your own shadow all the time."

Cloud was offended. He wasn't afraid of his _own _shadow...it was everyone else's'.

"Anyway," his mother continued, twisting her skirts, "Many boys from Nibelheim are _dying _to attend a prestigious academy like that. You'll be put into intense training to be a SOLDIER, and...and you'll be able to work off all that baby fat from all the sweets you've been eating!"

The tray of bonbons looked really frightening now. So there _had _been a catch.

"And General Sephiroth will be there!"

Cloud's entire face went white. "W-W-_WHAT?"_

Stepping aside from this scene for a moment, let us journey into the backstory to find out what led up to Mrs. Strife's decision.

_Backstory_

Truth be told, there were many things that Cloud was afraid of (the aforementioned in the beginning just those at the top of the list), but there was one thing that he was afraid of above all else in the world. That was General Sephiroth-for some reason that probably if asked, Cloud could not even say.

As for his mother? In her worried state of trying to cure her son of his irrational (to Nibelheim standards, of course) fears, she had gone hunting around his room for the source of his fears...and stumbled across his little chocobo journals underneath the bed, which turned out to be good for something. It took fifteen of the books to go through, but finally Mrs. Strife found what she was looking for-two whole books dedicated to Cloud's frantic handwriting just scribbling out two words over and over and over again: _General Sephiroth. General Sephiroth. General Sephiroth..._

So, following the example of mothers everywhere, Mrs. Strife consulted _The Guide to Raising a Heroic Son (Even From Cowardly Beginnings)_ -the Internet version. There were many methods, but with Cloud's severe case, there was only one true cure: have him face what he was most afraid of.

Mrs. Strife was sure that she had found what he was most afraid of.

She might have been a sweet woman, but as many who have fallen now could report if they were but still alive...

_A moment of silence for the dearly departed, please..._

_ ..._

...many others who have stood in the way of a mother on a mission have seen how that mission changes their approach on life.

This approach, for Mrs. Strife, was to immediately find a way to get her child closer to the object of his ultimate fear. This included phoning the military, signing all the proper forms (a parent's signature overrides a minor's wishes), and gathering Cloud up to tell him the news. This, coincidentally, is where this backstory becomes the story.

_End of backstory. _

So, even though Cloud finally fainted dead away across the coffee table once his mother informed him of her decision for the third time, there was no convincing her. The next day, all the rest of Cloud's bags were packed, his cadet uniform (a very putrid color, actually), had arrived, and Cloud was standing sickly and pale by the curb, drowning in his uniform (for the size was actually a lot larger than it should be, considering that though Cloud was a born and bred Nibelheim boy, he wasn't really the _born _and _bred _Nibelheim boy they were expecting) and looking even younger than normally.

"Now, sweetheart," Mrs. Strife said, bending and adjusting her son's uniform, and somewhat wishing that she had hemmed it, though there wasn't time, "You'll be all right, right?"

Cloud looked up at her, eyes as big and as vulnerable (he hoped) as he could make them, and nodded. "Yes, Mum."

"And...and get good grades, all right?"

"Hm."

"And...watch out for those...bigger boys."

Inwardly, Cloud sagged.

"And the Generals, don't let them work you too hard."

"It's...military school, Mum."

"Oh. Right, dear."

Mrs. Strife was dearly regretting her choice when the bus finally pulled around the corner (and all the neighbors opened their blinds to watch). She wrung her hands nervously as the bus pulled up, and Cloud picked up his duffel bags, even paler than before, though not of his own accord now. He almost tipped over as she suddenly latched onto him-tightly.

"Ack! Mum..."

"P-Please be careful, Cloud!"

"Yes...Mum..."

"Listen to me, Cloud..." Mrs. Strife swallowed. _You can't tell him NOT to go; you're the one that signed him up in the first place! _"Go to school, study hard, and become a SOLDIER for me, won't you?"

Cloud looked up at his mother.

The bus driver, getting impatient, slammed his hand on the horn. "'Ey! Are you just going to stand there gawking, or are you gettin' on the effin' bus?"

Cloud carefully hugged his mother back. "Yes, Mum. I promise to do that."

His mother beamed, somewhat awkwardly through the tears. "Good boy."

So Cloud boarded the bus, and his beginnings at Shinra Academy started. Granted, he was supposed to be thinking of all the things that scared him, but instead...all he could think about was what his mother said.

Yeah. Right then and there, huddled on his creaky bus seat with his duffels, Cloud swore that he would make SOLDIER and make his mother proud. He also swore in a very different way for a very different reason.

He'd forgotten to go to the bathroom before he went.

The bus jolted violently, and Cloud crossed his legs with a whimper.

Promise to mother or not, this was going to be miserable.

_A/N: Hi! I suck at these author's notes...but anyway, this was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but it turned into a four-shot instead. That'll be "The Setup" (which you just got through reading), "The Premise", "Act I", and "Act II"; at least, I think so for right now. It was written last night when I was SUPPOSED to be doing homework...and I don't know exactly where it came from, but I was experimenting. Expect it to suck; and if anyone's worrying, it is shoenin ai (I didn't spell that right, I KNOW it.). _

_**Thanks for reading, and if you have read this far, please review! (Or flame, if you like; it doesn't bother me.)**_

_Should've gone at the top, but..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, characters, or anything related to the game or the game company. _


	2. The Premise

_the premise. (otherwise known as the filler-ish beginning this story.)_

_IN WHICH: Cloud reaches Military School_

If Cloud were a normal boy, he would have felt awe upon first reaching Midgar. After all, after one has lived their entire life in a small time town where the main pastime is hunting mountain lions, seeing big city Midgar and all that comes with it is rather a shock.

In Cloud's case, though, he had more pressing issues on his mind: such as, namely, where to go to the bathroom. For the past three hours, Cloud had kept his legs tightly pressed together and his eyes screwed shut, praying to Gaia that he wouldn't embarrass himself (well, more than usual) just because the grouchy bus driver refused to make "potty stops for uppity tots who didn't know to GO before you GO". Keeping your eyes shut is not a very good way to see where you're going; thus, Cloud didn't. He missed all the landmarks, as well, while his fellow bus-mates leaned against the window with awe.

And so, Cloud's first views of Midgar City were the filthy interior of a random bathroom in a Midgar gas station, where the bus driver stopped to fill up. It wasn't a good first impression, either: Cloud spent five minutes dancing about, wondering if he should go in the restroom that looked like he could catch HIV from just _standing_ there. In the end, though, necessity won out over fear.

Until, of course, the necessity was gone, and Cloud was left frightened stiff that he had caught some sort of horrible disease.

Upon coming back to the bus, already wobbly kneed from his oncoming death, Cloud also found that his duffel bag had been plundered. The other, less civilized boys-who had chosen the more primitive method of satisfying necessity on the side of the road somewhere-had taken advantage of Cloud's absence to raid his duffels. Thus, when Cloud wearily climbed the bus steps, already mentally writing his epitaph, he was greeted with the sight of several gorilla-like boys hooting and rifling through his stuff. _His _stuff. And probably putting cooties on it too.

That was part of the problem. The _second _part was when they pulled out a whole Ziploc bag of bonbons-freakin' bonbons! -out of Cloud's duffel. Cloud hadn't even _known _that he had bonbons in there-and there, the other boys were opening the bag and taking them out.

"Hey!"

Dead. Silence.

Cloud was on the receiving end of about fifteen blank, empty stares. The boy holding his Ziploc bag stiffly brought the bag down to his lap, slowly. Other than that, it was pin drop silent.

Cloud swallowed, already feeling that this would not go over well, but as painfully small boys and/or girls often know, it is often when you have the strange feeling that your mouth refuses to abide to your rules. So Cloud, rather stupidly, repeated himself.

"H-Hey!"

"Hey what?" The boy holding his duffel swung it slowly back and forth, eyeing Cloud thoughtfully.

"That's-th-that's _my _bag!"

The boys, as one, looked at Cloud's duffels. This was when Cloud began to _really_ feel uneasy. After all, these boys weren't all from the same town. They had been picked up little by little along the way to Midgar. That they were already acting as one was disconcerting at most, and should have been more so to Cloud, aka, the-most-bullied-kid-this-side-of-Costa-del-Sol. But at the moment, all Cloud could see were his bonbons-his bonbons that he hardly _ever_ got-swinging from the fingertips of some gorilla that dared to call himself a boy. Cloud was trembling with rage.

A very, very bad thing when you're a very small individual.

"Hmmm," the boy said thoughtfully, twirling the bag between his fingers. "Ah know it's YAOR bog, bat for now..." he winked, "It's mah bag, 'cause ah like it. Gat a problem, squart?" The other boys looked back to Cloud, counting on some action, because their self appointed ringleader (not that the boys had any problem with that-things were more interesting with a ringleader than without) had just attempted to make fun of Cloud's accent. In truth, Cloud didn't have that much of an accent; to him, actually, those boys were the ones who had the weird accents. And he didn't care. His eyes were focused on the bag. Eventually, the ringleader noticed, shaking the bag slightly up and down experimentally and grinning as he saw Cloud's head tilt ever so slightly to follow the movement.

Cloud's eyes bulged as the boy dared to open up the Ziploc bag, reaching a grubby hand in and grabbing a fragile bonbon between his index finger and thumb, observing it as one would an insect. He took a bite, made a face. "Way too sugary sweet, man." The bag dropped to the floor, and the boy's foot followed, grinding the plastic into the floor. There was but split seconds for Cloud's horror before one of his duffel bags was quickly unzipped, the contents falling in a heap on the floor. The boys watching gave a hoot of approval, reaching for the other bag, before Cloud finally snapped out of it and ran to them, snatching his bag and holding it to his chest. At the same time, he tried to use his free hand to gather up all his spilled items, which thankfully wasn't much.

"These are my things," Cloud babbled, trying desperately to awkwardly hug his duffel bag while now using his foot to aid his hand. At best, he was just sweeping his things closer, but closer was better than getting them thrown out of the bus. Unfortunately, the boys weren't quite through with Cloud just yet, advancing on his accessories menacingly.

"'Ey! What are you, nitwits? Quit pickin' on the girl and get back into yer seats before I take off. Trust me, it'll break up the monotony to see you nitwits getting tossed around like laundry!"

The boys scattered, but Cloud wasn't really paying much attention (nope, no, not even at being called a girl), only seeing their feet scattering at the edges of his blurred vision. Yes, he wasn't ashamed to cry, especially not as he peeled the Ziploc bag away from the floor. Inside, all that could be seen was an explosion of smashed white against the sides-the only remnant of what before was a piece of heaven from an oven, and a present from his mother, and...and...divine presence incarnate...

"'Ey, kid? D'you need help?"

Cloud blinked hard, and then looked up. The bus driver was standing over him, cigarette hanging over the edge of his lip, looking about as sympathetic as a scruffy, underpaid military school bus driver could possibly look. Cloud managed a shaky smile.

"N-No, it's all right," he said quietly. "I've got it." He did a quick sign of the cross over his chest for the martyred bonbons-they had fallen in the face of undeniable evil, after all-and began to gather up his accessories and spare uniforms, cramming them best he could into his bag. The bus driver watched in silence. Despite all his threats, he didn't take off while Cloud was still scrambling about on the floor.

When Cloud had finished, he looked up, flushing slightly. It was actually pretty rare that someone was this nice. "Th-Thanks sir."

The bus driver coughed awkwardly, looking out the window. "I did nothin' kid."-which was about as close to a "You're welcome" as Cloud got.

Cloud didn't look back up, plopping back on his seat, hugging his duffel to his chest, the straps of the other one looped around his foot. He didn't look up, in fact, for the rest of the ride, because he was convinced that once he looked up, something else bad would happen. And thus, Cloud's first view of Midgar was still limited to the unsanitary bathroom. Thankfully, for him, the boys kept their distance.

Somewhere inside his chest, something began to stretch taut.

Once they finally reached Shinra Military School, Cloud had had almost enough. The boys kept their distance, all right, only because the bus driver kept looking in his rearview mirror at them. Once, Cloud swore he saw the man toss the boys the bird, and once again glued his gaze to the floor. Whenever he wasn't looking, though, Cloud felt little wet wads hitting his neck, and heard snickers. Most people didn't believe it, but spitballs hurt, and right now, Cloud was feeling a lot of them. He was only glad that the boys weren't near enough for wet willies. God, he hated those.

Now, though, they had reached their destination, and Cloud, despite himself, was feeling himself become slightly curious. Granted, he was terrified, but terror had become such a common emotion that it took backseat on his roller coaster of thoughts. After a while, anyway, anyone would become curious, when your bus just sits at the gates of the most esteemed military academy in the country.

It was a generic school. Bricks and mortar, English ivy, actually looking more like a prep school than anything. As of now, they were parked outside gates that looked as if they'd been plucked right from Hell itself. Cloud suspected that the Devil was currently on the phone with Shinra, fuming over his loss of propriety. (Cloud was actually not too far from the truth; only, truthfully, the Devil hadn't even gotten through to Shinra as of yet, having been on hold for the past few years. His patience was wearing thin, especially since the only hold song was "Here Comes the Sun"; but Shinra would deal with that if and when it came.)

Cloud took a peek at the bus driver. He was looking bored, yet another cigarette hanging off the edge of his lip. If _he _wasn't concerned, Cloud suspected that he shouldn't be either.

It took five point four seconds to prove him wrong.

"_Hell-O_ recruits!"

All boys turned to the front, Cloud clutching his chest. In the aisle, there was a tall, spiky haired man with an inhuman grin on his face. That in itself wasn't that strange. Okay, it was, admittedly. (_Who had hair like that anyway? _Cloud thought hypocritically.) The thing was: where on earth did he come from?

The strange guy scanned the rows of boys with a grin. With another jolt, Cloud noticed that his eyes were a glowing violet.

"Welcome to Shinra Military School, the _only _school 'round these parts that'll work you to the bone legally!" The guy crowed. Still holding the grin-for so long that Cloud was almost frightened his face would freeze-he scanned the boys' faces, for some reason settling on Cloud. "And do you know who _I _am?"

Cloud looked behind himself, then around him. For some reason, everyone expected _him _to answer; or, at least, he surmised so from the way that all the boys were suddenly looking at him. Cloud shrunk, sliding to the side of the seat, but the man's eyes followed him, grin still plastered on. A scooch the other way was followed too.

Now to distract from Cloud's unhappy predicament into a little story that seems like it might not relate, but will (eventually).

_Distracting Story_

Now, as anyone who has ever had to do an oral presentation in front of an entire class, it is quite nerve wracking. For one thing, one fourth of the class is busy chewing on their erasers, looking like they'd much rather be out doing something else, and not at all paying attention to you. Then there are the front rowers, who always sit primly and don't even look at you, too busy scribbling in their notebooks. And then, there is the minority of the class-the taunters. There are only about two or three of them, usually, the ones who aren't interested in either taking their leave of the class or taking notes. Their only intent is to watch someone else's downfall, and right now, you've got their attention. The irritating thing is that _they're _the only one you're paying attention to, because they're the only ones paying attention to you.

What does this have to do with the story? Nothing at all, really. The part that really matters is that once you're up in front of a crowd, having to speak to someone, your brain shuts down. Your thoughts and anything that comes out of your mouth are painfully severed. You are definitely sure that you will say something completely stupid and embarrassing, but you have no control over it.

Cloud, coincidentally, had this unfortunate condition.

_End of Distracting Story_

Cloud was hyperventilating; feeling like the bus was closing in on him. (This might have had something to do with his sudden position as a public speaker, _or _the fact that it _was, _technically, closing in on him, due to the fact that all the boys were leaning ever so slightly forward. Cloud was way too easy to play with.)

You see, Cloud, as he was with pretty much everything in life, was frightened, badly, with public speaking. He had only done it once in his life, and the results weren't very pretty; if what he could remember served him right. (If _"Oh my God, he's...someone catch him!" _ was anything to go by.) However, fainting was not an option at the moment. He was still caught up in some sort of bewildered emotional hurricane; sent away, having a torturous bus ride, possibly being diseased (yes, he hadn't forgotten that), and witnessing the brutal murder of his bonbons, which he still hadn't had time to mourn. He was supposed to talk to a bus _full _of taunters. (See, that distracting story did make sense, somewhat.) No, right now, Cloud didn't know what to do. And, as his mouth opened, he had no control over what would come out.

"...Um..." Cloud gulped of his own will, but his mouth still dropped open disobediently. "...A...Abraham...Lincoln?"

For once, the man's grin actually froze, and then gradually faded. Oh great, Cloud did it this time. The man stared at him, jaw working up and down, confused. "What?"

"Abraham Lincoln?" Cloud repeated, weaker than before. His mouth had now decided to abandon him, leaving him facing a completely silent bus. Some of the boys had their hands clamped over their mouths.

The man himself, however, didn't seem insulted. Instead, he was stroking an imaginary beard. "Well, usually I'm told that I look like Angeal, but this...it's interesting!" He grinned widely at Cloud, who was properly confused. "What's your name kid?"

He hadn't given his own name yet, and he expected Cloud to give his. "Shouldn't...you give your name first?"

"Technically, if this were Shinra Military twenty years ago, you would be whipped for that little comment," the man said, his voice serious though his smile remained in place. "Out of your seat, recruit!"

Eyes wide, Cloud scrambled into the aisle, sleeves flapping loosely.

"Ten pushups," the man said gleefully. "And your name please!"

Cloud was bewildered now. What on earth was a pushup? "Cloud Strife, sir..."

Now one of his eyebrows shot up. "Ah, Cloud Strife, then?" he frowned, looking Cloud over. "You weren't supposed to be _this_ scrawny, especially for a born and bred Nibelheimer...all right, show me those pushups."

"S-sir," Cloud said respectfully, "I don't know what a pushup is."

The other eyebrow joined the first. "Really?"

"No, sir," Cloud said.

"Your mother wasn't kidding on the forms, was she?" the guy muttered. "You'll make them up later, then. Back in your seat."

Cloud sat back down, feeling somewhat silly. Now the guy completely ignored him, addressing the rest of the bus.

"My name, as you have failed to figure out," he announced-Cloud slumped somewhat in his seat- "Is Zack Fair, Second Class SOLDIER. Those of you who didn't figure that out will get grief later on." This statement was followed by a sadistic smile that made even the stoutest gorillas quaver. "That's right, grovel! I am now your master. You must consult me even if you wish to breathe." Zack paced back up to the front of the bus, then back around. "From now on, your life at the Shinra Military Academy will be defined by me and me alone. You will be introduced to muscles that you didn't even know existed. You-...Cadet Strife, what are you doing?"

Cloud would have tried to answer with at least a "Sir!" or some other formality, as he had learned from military movies, but he couldn't. As of now, he was desperately keeping his mouth shut, trying not to breathe, and succeeding in making his face turn a slight bluish tint. As it was, all he was capable of doing was waving his arms about in an attempted expression of something, before attempting a sloppy salute.

Zack didn't speak Cloud sign language, so was just watching him with his head tilted slightly to the side, completely confused. A burst of snickers from the back drew his attention. "Recruits? You have an idea of what Cadet Strife is doing?"

One boy raised his hand. "He's waiting for permission to breathe, sir."

Zack's face melted into an incredulous frown. "And why the Rufus Shinra is he doing that?" he asked-forgetting, obviously, that he had just stated that the cadets needed his permission to breathe. Cloud was always one to take things literally, but then again, Zack didn't know that either, nor did he care to find out, at the moment. "Breathe, Cadet! Now, as I was saying, I will work you hard, and I will enjoy it. No one gets a break off. By the end of your little stay at our place, you'll either come out a SOLDIER, or you'll come out in a casket. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir!" the boys intoned, except for Cloud, who was now both blue tinted AND pale. In a _casket? _He was the one most suited for that. But he didn't _wanna _die! He still had so many fears to discover!

"Good." Zack looked somewhat satisfied. "Now, Cid, I need the driver's seat."

The bus driver, from what Cloud could see in the rearview mirror, was not pleased. "The one job I get ta do and I'm not giving it over to the overactive puppy of the ranks..."

"Please, Cid? Just a little bit?"

Cloud, at the moment, was still a little shell shocked, so he had no idea what he was in for.

By the time Cloud made it to the barracks, he was about ready to cry. Seriously. He wanted to throw himself face down, on his pillow, to sob and wail likes the coward he was. It was only the fear of killing himself from suffocation in his new pillow that stopped him.

Since the beginning of today, he had been squeezed, cried over, shaken, pushed, made to speak in front of his fellow recruits and forced to ride in a car driven by a porcupine haired maniac with a need to break the speed limit. (Cid, the former bus driver, had just held onto the bar the entire time, looking like he saw screeching cadets getting thrown against each other every day.) And now? He was being thrown into a barrack with a bunch of other boys his age, expected to be a boy.

Cloud Strife was, in fact, a boy, as many were well aware because of certain...attributes...about his person. However, he disliked being in the company of boys his age. This was not only because of his feminine features (which, no matter how many times and how ardently he protested, he did much look like a girl), but because of his height issues. Because Cloud was so...short...he was easily picked on by the other kids-even, much to his great shame, kids who were only about an inch taller than him.

Cloud often gave thought to how vertically challenged he was, but made no effort to try and change this, besides wistful wishes made in the back of his mind. (This was the only kind of wish that was safe, you see; a wishing well was dangerous, because the penny in your hand might upset the balance and send you tumbling down the well with it to die; or, blowing a wish on a dandelion fluff, because the seeds might blow back into your throat and make you choke and die; or-you get the picture...) He had mentally accepted it as fact. Before, though, at the end of the day, he had his home to go to. He could carefully build a pillow fort around himself and pretend that it never happened. Here, that couldn't happen, because a) that would just be dumb, especially since he told his mother that he'd make it through; and b) the other cadets would give him grief for behaving in such a babyish way. Pillow forts were supposed to be out when you turned five. Cloud couldn't help it, though. He liked his pillow forts.

Right now, though, all the other cadets were just getting used to their living spaces, which Cloud supposed that he needed to do as well.

Apparently, as part of initiation into military academy society, you spent one day in a group room with all the other new cadets. You got a metal cot, a skimpy blanket, and your personal bubble of space. Once you made it through one week, you got to move up a bit, into a room with another cadet. Right now, Cloud was on the bottom of the rung, meaning he got to end up in one of the group rooms. Thankfully, it was clean, though maybe a little too much so.

Next was orientation; Cloud didn't quite know what to expect anymore from that. Commander Fair, as Cloud had supposed to call him, had told them to change into casual attire and report to the meeting room, so Cloud had done just that. Better to do that than incurring his current higher up's wrath. However, to his increasing unease, only the recruits that had come with him were in the meeting room. It was an odd sight, seeing only fifteen or so boys in a room meant to house four hundred.

"What's going on?" someone nearby whispered.

"Eh, I don't know. Ask Bonbon Boy. Maybe he'll know."

Someone snickered. "Hey Bonbon Boy, what's going on?" Someone shoved the back of Cloud's head, and Cloud's throat smashed into his stiff t-shirt collar. Frantically, Cloud reached his hands up, feeling at his throat. Had it hit a pressure point? Would he suddenly go down in a gelatinous heap? _Would he die, right here in the auditorium in this Godforsaken school, dead because of his t-shirt collar?_

The boys, however, got tired of torturing Cloud (_finally_, after Cloud had had a panic attack for the fifth time) when a procession of men entered the room. Cloud got tired of being afraid of his t-shirt collar and instead opted to see who had entered the room.

At the head of the line was Zack Fair. He no longer had either that weird, plastered grin in place-neither did he have the slightly sadistic one, OR the maniacal grin that he'd had when he was driving the bus. (In the only three hours of knowing Zack Fair, Cloud had learned to fear those smiles.) Now, he looked sincerely, well, to put it crassly, pissed, pouting and whining to the man beside him who-Cloud squinted-basically looked like a bigger Zack Fair. Only calmer.

Behind them trailed an odd procession of higher class SOLDIERs, all buff and brawn, followed by a trail of sourpuss looking teachers. A chill ran over the universe, one that even Cloud picked up on. It was either that, or they'd brought in a draft with them because the door was open. (In truth, it was the second reason.)

They reached the top of the podium, Zack still pouting and whining and trying to make some kind of point to Big Zack, to which Big Zack frowned and shook his head fervently, murmuring something in reply. Zack-Commander Zack Fair, now in charge of Cloud and his fellow recruits-_stuck his TONGUE out _at the other man-stuck his tongue! Not only was that a big no no, who _knows _what kind of germs he got! -and then turned to the shocked recruits, plastered grin in place.

"Hello again, recruits!" Zack announced. "Well, you might have noticed that there is no one else here. You want to know why that is?"

"Does he want an answer?" someone whispered.

"I think it's rhetorical..."

Zack scowled. "No talking." The grin popped back into place. "The reason why is because you're not at all important! Nope, not to anyone in the world! So, we've separated your groveling selves into different little groups, so we could tell you separately how worthless you are!"

Behind Zack, Cloud saw Big Zack facepalm, shaking his head in obvious exasperation.

"So," Zack continued, "Now that you all know that, you need to know your teachers." He let the individual men shuffle forward. "They'll teach you to fight, to recite Shinra history off the top of your head, blah blah blah; you'll see when you get there."

Cloud scanned faces, trying to memorize some if he could, but they all looked pretty much alike, and already they were taking a step back.

"After that...here are some of my SOLDIER buddies. This is what you'll look like if and when you finish the program...hopefully. These guys are here to help, remember their faces. Approach anyone else and you'll probably end up in a casket before the end of the day."

They all looked alike too. Cloud was working himself into a panic.

"Now!" Zack smacked his hands together with a wide grin. "Let's see some pushups!"

All the recruits exchanged bewildered glances, before one tentative hand popped up.

"Yes!"

"Sir...this is an orientation, and we just got here. Don't we get a break?"

Zack's grin turned sadistic. Oh dear...

"This is military school, kiddo. Once you prove your worth, you can have your break, and enjoy it too! Now get on the floor and give me twenty!"

The other recruits scrambled to the floor. Cloud, seeing that he was the only one still in the seat, dropped to the floor too, where he nearly cried in unhappiness. The floor was covered in dirt and grime and old bubblegum, and he was supposed to _lay on it? _

"You're not doing anything!"

Cloud lifted his head, watching his fellow gorillas pump their arms up and down on the ground, pushing themselves up and down. It didn't look _too _hard...but then when Cloud tried it, he found that his scrawny little arms couldn't even balance his weight. After much struggling, he managed to complete one, and then collapse, just as the other boys reached twenty and stood up.

"Problem, Strife?"

Cloud pathetically tried to put his arms underneath himself, pushing on them, but they betrayed him again, barely pushing him up before he collapsed again.

"Hm." Cloud could still hear Zack's voice, though all he could see was a fifty year old piece of old gum. "Everyone else, you're excused. However, Cloud Strife will stay here until he completes his twenty pushups. Dismissed!"

"Sir yes sir!" Feet clattered over Cloud's head, someone "accidentally" catching him on his ear. The sound of other footsteps echoed through the room as well, descending the stairs and following them. For a short moment, there was silence-then, there was the sound of footsteps, approaching him.

Cloud looked up, feeling pathetic and useless as Zack Fair towered over him, face unreadable, before he reached an arm down and pulled Cloud to his feet. Cloud focused on those body parts, face burning too badly too look Zack in the eye-probably due to the fact that he had just contracted a deadly face eating disease from the gum on the floor.

"You've never trained, have you, Cloud?"

"N-no sir." Cloud said quietly.

"Well, that is a problem. But we'll get rid of it, don't worry. And look up at me when I'm talking to you! I won't bite!"

Confused, Cloud looked up to see Zack grinning down at him. This was a very different Zack Fair from the one who had just ordered everyone to drop and do twenty. This grin was sincere-at least, as far as Cloud could tell.

"I'm sorry about that; I needed to pick on you a bit to get you alone."

Cloud just blinked.

"All right, Zack," a new voice said, "You're scaring him."

Zack scowled. "Am not, Angeal."

Big Zack-no, Angeal-was suddenly over Zack's shoulder, nodding at Cloud. "Really, though, cadet, he means you no harm."

Cloud blinked again, beginning to fray. Military school was scary. Zack Fair had been creeping him out since he first saw him, and then he's nice? His brain wasn't able to compute this information, and as often happened when Cloud was confused, his gaze was becoming blurry. He wasn't going to cry, he wasn't going to cry, he...

"Cadet, don't cry...oh, here..." A handkerchief was waved in front of Cloud's face. Cloud took it, trying to wipe his face as best he could, blowing his nose before trying to offer it back. Angeal made a face. "Uh...no, it's all right, you can keep it."

Throughout all this, Zack looked sincerely disturbed. "Aw, I'm sorry kid, I didn't mean to make you cry. L-Listen..." he clapped a hand on Cloud's shoulder, "All I wanted to tell you was that I know you're not really used to this kind of stuff, but you'd be able to make it! You know, an encouraging speech of sorts! I didn't mean to scare you, honest-"

"Zack," Angeal interrupted, "Maybe it would be better to just send the cadet back to his room. I'm sure he's just overwhelmed and _needs to rest, _right cadet?"

Cloud hiccupped, nodding unhappily just because nodding was required when someone spoke to you. All he felt was overwhelmed and he just wanted to rest; he hoped that he was being dismissed.

Zack looked unhappy. "All right. Go on, kid...and really, I'm sorry..."

_Dear Mom. You said to write you, so I am. Military school is horrible. I want to go home. I think I caught a new disease, so if I die, I'm sorry in advance that I couldn't make it to SOLDIER. I want to go home. I didn't get to eat any bonbons, because some bigger boys smashed them. I'm sleeping on a very cold cot, and one of the other boys stole my blanket. I want to go home. Other than that, everything is fine. I love you. Cloud._

"Aw, Angeal, it was awful!" Zack wailed.

Angeal rubbed his eyes tiredly, resting his elbows on his desk and preparing to listen to Zack's tirade.

"You said all I was supposed to do was get on the bus and make them feel inspired to work! But instead, this-this kid spoke up and then I think I hurt his feelings and then it became obvious that he didn't really know what he was doing and OH GOD Angeal, I was so mean to all of them!..."

"Zack," Angeal intoned, "Don't beat yourself up over it."

"It's my first ever class!" Zack banged his head against the desk. "It's supposed to be perfect!"

"Your only problem is that you're trying too hard to be someone you're not," Angeal said, scooping up the pens that had scattered and stuffing them into a drawer. "You don't like to give sadistic talks and shake people up with wild bus rides..." He suddenly peered at Zack suspiciously. "Or _do _you?"

Zack scowled, and then looked thoughtful. "Well," he began, and then suddenly grinned, a grin that Angeal had come to fear. "It was fun, especially when they all screamed!" His face fell again. "But _Angeal_!" he wailed all over again.

"_Yes_, Zack?"

"I made him cry! I really didn't mean to make him cry!" Zack looked on the verge of tears himself. "And he seems so sweet, and all I wanted to do was hug him, but I didn't know if it was against protocol..."

"_Zack." _Angeal interrupted. "Listen to me, for once."

"I listen to you all the time!"

"-Yes, it may be against the rules to coddle any cadets-even when you were a cadet, I didn't coddle you-"

"Aw, Angeal! You actually wanted to coddle me? I'm touched! -"

"-But you can try and make it up to him some way. From what I saw, the other boys were bullying him, and he seems the timid sort. Maybe if you become his role model, get him to come out a bit, you can give yourself peace for, God forbid, making him cry."

Zack tilted his head to the side, looking like the puppy he was. "Hey, that actually seems like a good plan! Thanks, Angeal!" He grinned. "Now all I have to do is make sure that he looks up to me...I'll make sure that I make up to him, all right! Thanks, 'Geal! You're the _best!"_

Angeal found himself swept up in a quick, sloppy hug before his mentee sprinted for the door, slamming it behind him, leaving Angeal in slow dawning horror of what he had just suggested Zack do. Images of the now innocent Cloud Strife following Zack's example danced around his head, along with images of just what might happen once Zack had a new follower.

"What...have I done?"

_**A/N:**__ It seems I work best when I have a lot of homework to do. This was churned out in a mere hour-yes, all of it-just because I did NOT want to write an entire Constitution for homework. *shudders*_

_Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and/or favorited! I was really shocked-I was expecting only one or so review; I didn't really think it was that interesting, because it was mainly written as stress relief. On that note, I'm sorry if this chapter comes across as "not funny"-I'm submerged in the blue funk right now, but I'm trying to get out of it. Once again, though, thanks! :D_

_This story, though only a fourshot, is confusing me, thus any updates will be kind of off. Take note that the fact I am updating after only two days is a pure coincidence. _

_And now I actually have to go and do that homework..._

_**Review if you can!**_

_**Disclaimer that Should've Gone On Top:**__ I don't own Square Enix, FFVII, any FFVII characters mentioned, or bonbons. I do own the ability to procrastinate for long periods of time, churn out really suckish chapters at a time and cry easily upon becoming frustrated (yes, that's where Cloud's sudden crying spree up there comes from). _


	3. Act I

_Act I ½ (meaning that the plot is finally somewhat introduced…but not enough to be Act I…)_

_IN WHICH: Cloud adjusts to military school, Zack tries to befriend Cloud, General Sephiroth makes a brief appearance (both fake and real), and Angeal and Genesis become stalkers._

**._._._.**

**Shinra Military Academy**

**Week 1**

**Day 1**

_A Short History of the Nightlight_

As everyone knows, the nightlight originally started as the candle, used by all people who could afford a stub of vertical wax (which was everyone). It was really rather comforting, having a little flicker of fire light up the darkest corners of your rooms. Of course, the candle could also blow out at any time, because little huts and gigantic castles are very drafty-as well as the fact that if you lived in villages, you had to be ready to die by fire if the candle tipped over into the hay.

The next form of the nightlight was the kerosene lamp, which was a degree better than the candle. You could control the flame level, and easily put it out. There was one problem: it was highly flammable. No matter how much children screamed about the dark wanting to eat them, parents didn't want to let them roast to death, happy as they may be.

For a while, there were the Dark Ages, where children everywhere went unprotected without a nightlight.

Then, some brilliant person came up with a fabulous idea: why not make a lightbulb that uses minimum electricity, and then sell it for a ridiculous price to desperate parents?

The idea caught fire. The children's rooms didn't.

_End of a Short History of the Nightlight._

It was a simple fact of life: Cloud could not, and would not, sleep without his nightlight.

As sissy as it sounded, Cloud had had his nightlight since he was but a wee scaredy-babe, shivering under his blankets and afraid to go to the bathroom by himself. His mother had quite enough of it, and after a short ordeal of haggling over the Internet, Birdie was found. Of course, after that, there was the entire "get Cloud over the fact that Birdie did _not _look like a chocobo and more like a shapeless blob from that ol' horror movie" ordeal...but eventually, Cloud grew into loving Birdie, the nightlight with no gender. Love turned into keeping Birdie on at all times of the day. Love turned into carrying Birdie everywhere. Love turned into setting an extra place at the table for Birdie at dinner. (His mother was incredibly patient throughout this entire ordeal, but she drew the line at Cloud marrying Birdie. That would _not_ fly.)

Cloud still loved Birdie, dearly; which was why it'd been packed and carried all the way to military school. It'd survived Cloud's bathroom bouncing into Midgar. It'd survived the bag raid. And Cloud was determined, before he went to bed tonight, to plug it up and have its comforting light glowing in his corner, keeping all the monsters away for time being. (Because, you know; if there were monsters at home, there were _definitely _monsters in military school. Only bigger and scarier and who probably looked like either General Sephiroth or Zack; Cloud's overactive imagination couldn't decide.)

There was a problem, though; there were only two outlets in the entire room.

Both had big lamps plugged up to them, with so many bulbs they looked like slightly deformed Christmas trees. These in turn were plugged up to fire-truck red timers, with the words **PLEASE DON'T TOUCH **printed on the sides.

As many know, small boys with many fears about them are also those who follow the rules-precisely. But, well, this was Cloud's _nightlight_. This was _Birdie_- at one point, his one true love. So, with a gulp, Cloud reached out a trembling hand to unplug one of the timers.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Cloud's hand jerked back, even as he guiltily spun around. Standing there was a SOLDIER, in all his uniformed glory, looking fairly irritably down at him.

"Don't you know what will happen if you _pull out that timer, _cadet?"

Cloud shook his head faintly.

"You'll get elec-tro-cuted, shorty," the guy accentuated, poking Cloud in the chest. The pokes were probably supposed to be in rhythm with the broken syllables to put more emphasis, but as they were irregular, it probably wasn't the effect the SOLDIER had _wanted_. It had the _desired_ effect, though. Cloud's eyes were huge.

"And what happens if you get electrocuted?" the SOLDIER grinned, leaning down to a confused Cloud. "It goes straight to your hair!"

The SOLDIER slammed his foot down, effectively making Cloud jump, then headed on his way chuckling, and leaving Cloud to worriedly wonder what he'd been talking about. Sure, he wanted his nightlight, but the way the SOLDIER had said it…would something bad happen if he tried to plug in his nightlight?

_It goes straight to your hair…_ Cloud's eyes widened with realization. Of course! He had seen it on TV once…_he would get electrocuted, his hair would shoot straight up, and his brain would be fried!_

…

Wait…there was something wrong with that, wasn't there? What…

Cloud frowned in confusion. That was right…his hair was already spiky…

Then…

He would get electrocuted, his brain would be fried, and…and…

_ Gasp!_

His hair would_…go flat!_

Cloud raised a trembling hand to his spikes. He really, really liked his hair.

And that was the end of that.

As Cloud lay in bed that night, eyes wide, ears trained on the buzz saw snoring of his peers, and Birdie clutched against his chest in a comforting way, he sadly prepared himself for many miserable nights to come.

**._._._.**

"You what?"

Kunsel grinned. "You know that thing that you fell for when you were a cadet-that if you pulled out the timers in the big room, you'd get electrocuted?"

Zack pulled his head temporarily out of the fridge to scowl at his friend. "I so did _not _fall for that."

"You so did," Kunsel shot back. "You thought that if you got electrocuted, your hair would go flat. How stupid is that? Anyway, one of the new cadets fell for the _exact same thing today. _You should've seen the look on his face!"

"Hnh," Zack muttered distractedly. He emerged from the fridge, setting several cans of soda on the table, and then several more packages of artificially sweetened…sweets. Kunsel leaned on the table, stealing a soda and ignoring Zack's protesting cry.

"He sorta reminded me of you, by the way," Kunsel said thoughtfully, popping the top. He conveniently dodged the spray of fizz, slurping at the top. "Or maybe you if you'd been scrawnier, and a scaredy-cat. Did you see him? Blond spikes, wide eyes, always looking like he's either going to pee his pants or run away screaming…?"

Zack spun around, grin plastered onto his face, and was suddenly in Kunsel's face. Kunsel jerked back, spilling soda down his uniform shirt. "Shoot, man, why'd you do-aw, look what you made me do to my shirt-"

"You met Cloud?" Zack asked happily, bouncing on his heels. "What did you think? He's adorable, isn't he? Just a bit unused to military school, right?"

Kunsel stared at him.

"I know, right!" Zack shrieked. "I just can't get enough of the kid!" He began stuffing the food into his backpack as he spoke, waving his free hand around. "I'm taking all this food for him; he looks practically _starved. _And Angeal says I can become a role model for him!" Kunsel cringed. "Isn't it great, Kunsel? Kunsel? Why're you looking at me like that?"

Kunsel laid a comforting hand on Zack's shoulder. "Zack," he began, pausing to take a swig from the soda can. "We've known each other a long time. We've bailed each other out of a lot of difficulties…" he paused, cocking his head. "Well, actually, _I've _bailed you out of a lot of difficulties…"

"Hey!"

"…So you should know," Kunsel continued, "That you can talk to me about _anything. _Y'know…which monsters you've defeated recently, how much soda you can chug in one minute, oh, I don't know…whether or not you have a crush on anyone…?"

Zack tilted his head thoughtfully as he lugged the bag further up his shoulder, and then looked horrified. "I don't have a _crush _on Cloud!"

Kunsel patiently continued to pat Zack's shoulder with a 'yes, I _totally _believe you' look on his face. "Yeah, and you don't believe that if you stick your finger in a socket, your hair will go flat."

Zack threw his hands in the air in a typical Zack-way, knocking over a can on the counter. "It's a brotherly relationship! Besides…haven't you ever had one of those feelings, where you feel the need to look after someone, through thick and thin, for better or for worst, death do us part?"

Kunsel rolled his eyes. "Yeah, when I was going to marry Jeanne in third grade, and it turned out she didn't feel the same way, as my shin can testify. And that's the wedding vow you just recited, by the way; more evidence…"

Zack sniffed. "Just you wait, Kunsel. You'll see. These are totally platonic feelings."

"Yeah, yeah. Invite me to the wedding."

._._._.

Angeal was already nursing a nervous headache when Genesis decided to make his daily "come-in-and-annoy-your-peer" visit.

"Hello," Genesis sang, slamming Angeal's office door against the wall. Angeal tried very, very hard not to flinch, but couldn't really control bodily functions at the moment. His mind, though? It was racing. What was he thinking about? Oh, right. Zack. Zack, Zack, Zack…what was he thinking about Zack? Zack was setting him up for more trouble…

"I said 'Hello', 'Geal. Why aren't you paying attention to me?"

Zack was always getting him in trouble. Why was this time more important?

"'Geal!" Genesis whined, leaning into his face. He shook his hand up and down in front of Angeal's glassy eyes, pouting when his friend didn't even blink. He leaned in closer. "An-ge-aaaaaaalllll…"

Angeal's eyes widened. Of course…that shy shell-shocked cadet earlier…hadn't Zack said…

_Sweet Gaia!_

Angeal's head lurched forward, colliding painfully with Genesis's forehead. His already abused head screeched in protest, while now on the floor, his friend was making a similar sound that wasn't at all helping the situation.

"Good Gaia, Angeal," Genesis whimpered, "If you just wanted me to leave, just _say_ so!"

Angeal growled, rubbing at his head. "I've said so before, and you still won't leave me alone."

"It's the theory that counts," Genesis said, finally getting up off the ground. Not having learned his lesson, he leaned in close to Angeal's face, eyes wide. "What's wrong with you?" He poked Angeal's cheek. "You look _horrible."_

"Tell me something I don't know," Angeal groaned.

Genesis thought for a moment. "The Puppy is raiding the kitchen. But then again, you probably would know that. He's apparently infatuated with someone or something like that."

Angeal remained quiet, head tilted, thinking.

"Genesis, if I asked for help in doing something completely idiotic, immature, and utterly _stupid_…would you help?"

Genesis stared at him, before cracking an obnoxious smile. "_You_, do something completely stupid?"

Angeal stared right back.

"Ah, it's your funeral." Genesis leaned forward on the desk, giving an utterly terrifying grin. "What's on your mind, _mate?"_

**Week 1**

**Day 2**

Every kid in Nibelheim, no matter how backwoods it was, went to school. So of course Cloud was used to a classroom environment…one room schoolhouses for the win, and all that stuff. If it was like school back home: strict, unfeeling teachers, the fire hazard of a heater in the corner, and the bullies forcing the younger kids' heads into the outhouse hole, he was prepared. (Even a plastic bag to put over his head. Everything had to be sanitary, after all.)

Nothing, however, could have prepared Cloud for military school classrooms.

"All right, class," announced the teacher; some strange nasally guy with a bad tic. "This is Shinra History. In order to keep it from becoming too boring, as many of you have read on the syllabus-" He cast a rueful glance in Cloud's corner of the classroom, where the boys had obviously _not _read the syllabus, "-A few of us are going to come every day dressed as famous Shinra army personnel." He glanced behind him, and someone-some_thing_-shifted in the shadows, moving forward.

Cloud let out a terrified, shrill shriek.

For there, standing in front of the class, was _General Sephiroth. _Long silver hair, cool green eyes, and…and…

Buck teeth?

Another shadow materialized behind the teacher…and _another _General Sephiroth stepped out, only with blue eyes, decidedly dark skin, and a crooked mop of silver hair.

Of course, the class figured out pretty quickly what was happening after the first "Sephiroth" stepped out, and the initial shock wore off. None of the boys who had decided to cosplay for the professor had seemed to have any imagination.

Of _course_, though, Cloud was having an anxiety attack at his desk, frantically wheezing as his hands clutched at his throat. Either out of meanness or just being plain weirded-out, none of the boys around him attempted to alert the professor... mostly because they didn't know what Cloud was doing. Finally, though, someone found it in the good of their hearts to raise a hand.

"Ummmm…sir?" the boy said, even as he scooted his chair a little farther from the hyperventilating Cloud. "H-He's having a…issue…" He jerked his thumb in Cloud's direction.

The professor gave a 'tsk' of annoyance, striding over to Cloud's desk. "What exactly is the problem, cadet?" He peered closer at him. "Nothing seems wrong with him," he proclaimed, turning back towards the front.

(A gross exaggeration, because of _course _there was something wrong with Cloud; but it is known that adults often suffer from a grave disease when it comes to their younger charges: They. Don't. Care.)

One of the Sephiroths at the front of the room-there were now about four-shook his head. "No, I think he's having an asthma attack." He started heading towards Cloud's chair. "Hey, kid! Do you have an inhaler?"

Cloud, by this time, was slumped over his desk, but upon hearing someone talking to him, his head tilted up. And who should he see but his greatest fear leaning imposingly over him, waving a new inhaler in front of his face?

With a horrible wheezing sound, Cloud slumped over his desk in a dead faint.

**._._._.**

"Your one true love fainted today," Kunsel said, leaning against the counter, and then checking to see if Zack was listening to him. Zack was sitting on the edge, watching an egg in the microwave in awe, and Kunsel rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You know that's going to explode, don't you?"

"It will?" Zack asked, his eyes wide. "Luxiere said it would make a mutant chicken come out, because the chick inside would be exposed to radioactive waves, which would thus make it grow at a speed faster than known to mankind, and hatch faster than the average six weeks required for a chick to hatch." Zack took a deep breath and tilted his head to the side in silence for a moment, then added, "That's what Luxiere said."

"Riiiiiiight," Kunsel said. He hopped up on the counter opposite Zack's. "For one, if a chick was really in there, it would be _roast _chicken by now…"

Zack's mouth dropped open in horror before he scrambled for the microwave handle. "Don't worry, chick, I'll save you…!"

Kunsel held up his hand for attention. "BUT, it wouldn't be, _because _none of the eggs we eat are fertilized."

Zack froze for a moment, and then scowled. "Luxiere _lied _to me!"

"Obviously." Kunsel stretched. "Anyway, what I came to tell you was that kid you're obsessed with fainted today."

Zack's eyes widened once again. Kunsel frowned. "Stop doing that. You're going to stretch them out of shape."

"Is he all right?" Zack asked, already sliding off the counter.

"Yeah, they're thinking he had an asthma attack or something." Kunsel slid off as well. "You say it like you didn't see him. What happened to all that food?"

Zack blushed. "I was hiding out from Sergeant Michaels, and…I got hungry…"

"Right, right," Kunsel muttered, trying to figure out once again why he was friends with Zack. "Well, you better actually talk to the kid soon. The way it's looking, he's not going to survive his first week, and he hasn't even had combat training yet."

"He has that with me!" Zack said happily. "His group's beginning combat at the end of this week!"

Kunsel rolled his eyes. "Like I said, he's not going to survive his first week. Oh, and…" Kunsel ran off to the other side of the room, yelling over his shoulder, "You're cleaning that up!"

Zack realized what he meant a split second after, stupidly, opening the microwave upon the bell.

** ._._._.**

"Tell me again why we, trained professionals, are hiding behind a tree like common amateurs?"

"We're spying on the cadet class, and in order to catch a cadet, we must think like a cadet."

"…Cool."

Silence.

"Angeeeeeeal?"

"_Yes, _Genesis?"

"You do realize that we are spying on the wrong cadet class, don't you?"

"… You didn't say this before because…?"

"You seemed like you were having so much fun!"

"…You have a five second head start, Genesis. I'm really being generous this time."

**Week 1**

**Day 3**

"Listen up, re-cruits!"

Cloud had stopped trying to figure out which teacher was which; they were all equally burly, equally disinterested, and equally eager for blood…if not physically, metaphorically.

Well, that was one thing that military school had done for him so far; at least his vocabulary was expanding.

(Now if he could figure out what they meant…)

The teacher at the front of the room had a big, sadistic grin on his face that made him look rather wolfish, and, surprisingly, Cloud almost didn't notice.

Almost being the key word, of course. He still noticed and the familiar whiny voice that screamed, IT'S SCARY IT'S SCARY MOVE MOVE MOVE GO GO GO was still there…but it was so normal now that it was drowned out somewhere in the back of his head.

First and foremost was how to survive the week. Second was how to get out of there and find a happy place.

There was also the distinctive problem of him having told his mother that he would become a SOLDIER. If you broke promises, you got cursed. No question. And Cloud didn't need a curse. 'Cause seriously, curses were scary…

And then the teacher of the class was screaming directly in his face, Cloud was screaming back out of sheer surprise and horror, the voice in his head was screaming tenfold and all thoughts of curses went right out the window.

Satisfied with the reaction, the professor popped back up and strolled back along the desks, saying, "For everyone who has seen your fellow cadet's reaction…that will be your homework for the rest of this week."

The cadet class gave him a look that summed up to: _Whaaaaa…?_

The guy was used to this. "When you are SOLDIERs, you must be used to sudden attacks. You must attune yourself to someone at any time attacking you. So your homework is to surprise each other. I don't care how; I don't care how many times you pee your pants out of surprise; I don't care about you all period. All I care about is that you get used to being surprised, and get immune to it."

Cloud didn't notice that all eyes in the classroom landed on him, and that several alliances in the classroom were already being made. He didn't know that everyone already knew that Cloud was _definitely _the best kid to get a scare out of.

He didn't know _yet, _anyway.

**_._._._**

For some reason, Zack wasn't in the kitchen. He also wasn't in the break room, the laundry room, or the janitor's closet. And Kunsel was getting worried.

Not just because those were Zack's usual haunting places; because if he wasn't in them, it meant that he was up to no good.

Which was definitely no good.

Kunsel was so worried that he crashed right into someone else; someone a lot smaller than he was, that he practically ran over.

"Oh, geez, I'm sorry-" Kunsel looked down, and froze as he saw the cadet that Zack was obsessed with. What was his name?

"Clout? Nah nah…uh…CLOUD!" Kunsel was triumphant for a moment, before he looked at the kid again… and saw that he looked absolutely terrified. His eyes were watery and huge, his entire body tense and trembling, and he didn't seem to see Kunsel standing right in front of him.

"Uh…kid…?" Kunsel hesitantly poked the kid, and with a cry, he jumped almost a foot off the ground. Now the wild-eyed gaze was directly on Kunsel. Kunsel, predictably, shifted nervously.

"Are you…all right?" He finally asked.

Cloud stared back at him. His mouth hovered between being open and closed for a second, before it looked like he was actually going to say something.

Until Zack came barreling around the corner, that is.

Apparently, he'd been running from something, but once he saw Kunsel and Cloud standing together, his resolve immediately went out the window and towards them.

"Hey, Cloud, I've been searching everywhere for you!" he said cheerily, swinging an arm around Cloud's shoulder. Cloud's mouth resumed its goldfish reminiscent behavior.

"Speaking of searching," Kunsel said, "Where have _you _been?"

Zack, still tugging Cloud, opened his mouth to respond-when a group of three boys, red-faced from laughing, jumped around the corner, screeching. Until they saw their superior officers, of course, upon which they immediately had the good grace to look ashamed. Their work was done, though, because Cloud went shrieking down the hallway.

For a moment, it was silent, before Kunsel remarked awkwardly, "He runs pretty fast, for a little guy."

Zack turned a smoldering gaze on the cadets, still huddling uncertainly together. (Here, of course, the word smoldering is not used as in romantic novels, where smoldering means 'to blaze brightly with the fuel of passion'. No, here 'smoldering' is used to mean, 'Zack wanted some cadet barbeque, and he was going to grill them himself with the help of a particularly scary glare'.)

"I," Zack began, his teeth gnashing slightly, "Have been trying to talk to that cadet for _days _now. I've been _trying _to find him, for _days _now. And I finally got to _talk to him, _after _days. _And then, you cadets ruin _everything _by jumping out like…like…juvenile _demons, _and scaring him away!" Zack was very close now, practically on top of the terrified group. "I want to know _why. _And there better be a dern good reason."

The cadets looked at each other, then at one boy in particular, who immediately went white. He whispered something.

"Out with it!" Zack roared, and the cadet immediately began talking.

"The professor told us to do it, really, and he said we were supposed to jump out at each other and scare each other, and…"

Zack held up a hand, and the kid immediately started choking on his words in an effort to swallow them.

"You," Zack said pointedly, "Are not to do anything of the sort in my presence. If I _ever _see you doing such again, I'll…" Zack paused, as he apparently tried to think of something horrible enough. "I'll…hang you by your underpants from the flagpole." He gave a particularly wicked smirk. "That'll be one _heck _of a wedgie…"

Kunsel stared as the boys practically shriveled up on themselves and inched back around the corner. He didn't dare approach Zack himself. God knows what he would do.

However, Zack turned around with his normal, immature grin in place, eyes sparkling, and chirped, "Well then, Kunsel! Wanna help me find Cloud now?" He giggled happily. "I think I could cheer him up now. That's what mentors do with mentees, right? Kunsel? Kunsel, why're you looking at me like that?"

Sometimes, all you could do when faced with someone like Zack was _stare_.

And so Kunsel _stared_.

**_._._._._**

The plan had seemed _brilliant_ before. Find Cloud Strife. Find a way to make sure that he wouldn't cave under Zack's influence. Let him remain friends with Zack (because Gaia knew, he would create HELL if he were separated from the kid now) but in a way carefully monitored by Angeal himself.

He wasn't a control freak over his mentee. Really, he wasn't. He just wanted to make sure that every aspect of Zack's life was carefully tailored to not interfere with anyone else's peaceful existences.

But he wasn't a control freak. Perish the thought.

Unfortunately, the plan had more than a few holes in it. Angeal had originally wanted to exercise his military standing-incredibly rare, but the situation called for it-and march into the cadet quarters, politely requesting an audience with the boy. Genesis, however, said that the approach was too straight-forward…so Angeal came up with another plan.

And Genesis was currently giving him hell with it.

"Angeal, I never thought you had it in you."

Angeal gritted his teeth. Genesis smirked, because, as all knew, Genesis really, really liked to push his luck…mostly because he had a lot of it to push before it got to the edge.

"Won't the Puppy be _jealous _if he hears about what you've been doing? Especially since I've been hearing that he's practically obsessed with the kid?"

Angeal was barely holding himself back from banging his head into the wall. Of all the people who had to be best at this sort of thing, it _had _to be Genesis.

"And your _plan. _God, I couldn't have come up with a plan like that! One thing I must tell you, I always knew you were a perv-"

_Snap._

(Believe it or not, that wasn't the snap of Angeal's self control.)

Genesis immediately straightened up, walking past an incredibly tense Angeal and peering out the door. He smirked. "First guest is here." He cut his gaze over to Angeal with a crooked grin. "Unless…you're reconsidering your own plan?"

Angeal straightened, breathing out slowly, and then pushing roughly past Genesis. "You better have gotten the right one," he snapped at him, before throwing open the door. The shadow of a cadet stood there nervously.

"Um…I received word that you're searching for a blond cadet-AAGH!"

Boredly, Genesis flicked off the flashlight beam. "Wrong cadet." He sighed, ignoring the blinded cadet crashing into walls holding his eyes as he shut the door. "Don't _worry _though, Angeal! I'm sure we'll have better luck tomorrow!"

**Week 1 **

**Day 4**

Combat training. It seemed like it was something close to what the villagers attempted to do with Cloud back home...only more professional. Apparently, hunting wasn't until you were a lot more experienced.

Commander Zack Fair was standing at the front of the gathering crowd of cadets, wearing Lopsided Grin 1 (not to be feared _too _much as Lopsided Grin 2.0, but nearly just as bad). He also kept grinning directly at Cloud, making sure that Cloud was looking at him the entire time. The favoritism was blatant; more than a few of the cadets were shooting him disgusted glares that promised hell later. There were three that weren't looking at him or Zack, though, with decidedly frightened looks on their faces. Cloud recognized them as the ones who'd been jumping out at him before; they'd stopped quite suddenly since yesterday.

"All right, everyone!" Zack announced as the stragglers filled up the rest of the class. "I wanted to start you guys right away on the _fun stuff…_ya know, screaming, blood and gore, the stuff that boys _like."_

He cackled, gleefully rubbing his hands together, and a silent wave of terror passed over the entire group.

"Buuuuuut…" Zack sagged forward. "I was commanded by someone even higher up than _me _that for Orientation Week, _that _course of action would _not_ be preferable." He frowned. "When I was a cadet, I didn't get that fair treatment, so consider yourselves lucky." The grin popped back into place. "We have a considerably cool side sorta thing for you guys, though; a chance to meet everyone's hero! Guys...meet General Sephiroth."

And, indeed, out from behind the weapons rack indeed came the General.

Cloud's eyes immediately shot down to the General's smirking lower lip. No buck teeth.

They shot to the silver hair-definitely real.

Perturbed, Cloud looked into his eyes…which were a steady, cool green. _Real_ green, and not contact lenses.

Bread and bonbons…this General was the real deal!

Cloud started twitching, even as an involuntary whimper escaped him. The cadet on his right inched away, while the one on his left nudged him and whispered, "Hey man…if you've gotta go, the restrooms are to the right in the hallway…"

Zack was wearing a grin to beat all grins as he slipped an arm around the General's neck, as if he wasn't so much taller than him, and waited.

The cadet class was completely silent. After all, what do you say when the hero of your entire country stands in front of you, seemingly comfortable with your crazy combat teacher?

Right. Saying nothing is safer. If it were possible, crickets would have chirped.

Sephiroth cocked an eyebrow, seemingly amused. "Well," he said, "What a welcome." Gently, he shrugged off Zack's clingy arm, clasping his hands behind his back as he inclined his head towards the cadet class. "I'm more honored than I can express to meet the next generation of Gaia's heroes." His eyes cut across the class, settling here and there on the scrawnier cadets…most particularly Cloud, who was doing what looked like the bathroom dance. The other silver eyebrow joined the first. "Though to get there, this class needs work."

Sephiroth launched into a boring, prewritten speech that Zack listened to with increasing enthusiasm, though the General himself seemed bored to death. His gaze kept wandering across the cadets to Cloud, for some odd reason, who was meanwhile becoming increasingly disturbed and trying to get behind the other cadets.

Zack apparently noticed this, and as Zack was prone to do, decided to interfere.

"All right, guys!" Zack smiled, "Fun speech, huh? It was, wasn't it? Now everyone can shake hands with the General, like you've always _dreamed _of. And _don't _deny it. I know your every dark secret, even the ones that you keep under lock and key. Alphabetically, please."

Obediently, some excitedly, the cadets lined up, heading up towards the General. The first boy hesitantly held out his hand, staring with reverence as Sephiroth clasped it and shook.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the line (don't fake ignorance, you know where it was) a panic attack was taking place.

By some awful twist of fate, Cloud had ended up fifth in the line. No matter how he looked at it, he couldn't figure out how this was. There had to be more A and B kids, surely!

Regretfully, no.

Even more horrible was the fact that shaking hands, at most, takes only a few seconds. This meant that Cloud was just behind the current awe stricken kid stepping up to shake hands with Sephiroth!

What did you do in a situation like this?

"Cloud, you're next!" Zack sounded way too happy, even as Cloud froze in place. Sephiroth was looking at him with an expectant but bored expression, hand already outstretched. Cloud was about three feet or so away…holding up the line.

Cloud, lost, looked between Zack and Sephiroth with a look resembling a cookie in front of a group of toddlers…assuming that cookies had faces, of course, which they didn't.

"S-sir, requesting permission to go to the restroom, please!" Cloud said with a sloppy salute in Zack's direction-he didn't dare look at Sephiroth. Zack tilted his head, considering.

"Of course you can be excused, Cadet…" he began.

Cloud beamed beautifully, which made General Sephiroth's eyes widen a bit, for reasons unknown.

"…as soon as you shake the General's hand."

The beam dropped. "B…But s-sir…!"

Zack shook his head with a small, scarily humble smile. "Shyness amongst children today. It's almost enough to move me to tears." Before Cloud knew it, Zack was leading him up to General Sephiroth.

"N-No, sir!" Cloud scrambled, small heels digging into the floor. "I-I-I really have to g-go, sir!"

"It only takes a few seconds to shake the General's hand, and then you can go, promise!" Cloud was now in front of a hulking black object, though all he could see were black combat boots.

"You've got a big fan…I haven't seen hero worship go this far before," Zack joked with Sephiroth, still holding Cloud's arm as his other hand ruffled the blond spikes affectionately. "Better make a good impression!"

Sephiroth smirked back, but indiscreetly wiped his palm on his jacket. For some reason, he did want to make a good impression on the cadet, even if it was just a handshake.

Cloud was now stock still. Zack nudged him a little. "Go on, Cloud. There're others in line. Just shake."

Cloud slowly lifted his head up, even as Sephiroth looked amusedly down. The General's hand was already outstretched.

Sephiroth frowned. Cloud's face projected pure terror as hesitantly, his small hand reached forward to Sephiroth's much, much bigger one, cringing as he brushed the palm. Carefully, Sephiroth closed his hand, engulfing Cloud's, and moved it up and down. Cloud watched in growing horror.

The General gently let go of Cloud's hand, and Cloud stared back and forth between the two, before suddenly squeaking, "B-B-_Bathroom_!" Holding his now limp arm in his other hand, he skidded out the door, arm still held out before him, flapping loosely. His squeal of horror lingered in the hallway a long time after he'd left.

The class couldn't decide whether to laugh or not.

Sephiroth was still staring down at his hand, then up at Zack. He didn't look in the least bit disturbed; instead, rather intrigued as he only said one word.

"Interesting."

**_._._._**

The plan that had seemed more than brilliant before was now starting to lose its glamour. After all, how many cadets at Shinra Military Academy had blond spikes, wide blue eyes, and a height challenge?

Apparently, a lot.

The current visitor was sitting stock straight on a hard garden chair, squirming under Angeal's inquisitive gaze and glancing apprehensively towards Genesis, who was smirking at him.

"All right, cadet," Angeal said seriously, leaning forward, "I just need to know your name, and then you can be on your-"

And the kid snapped.

"All right!" the cadet sobbed. "I admit it! My name is George! I did shoot Lenny! But I didn't mean to! I...I wanted to get him the rabbits, honest! And the little farm, and anything he ever wanted! _He wasn't supposed to die!"_

Genesis and Angeal stared at the cadet, now kneeling, hands clasped together.

"Please forgive me, Lenny," he pleaded. "I really did care!"

Dead. Silence. Then, Genesis let out a bray of laughter, slapping his knee and making Angeal jump. "Ha! You made him confess, all right!"

Angeal scowled, then turning to the cadet. "Uh... I'm...sorry, I guess."

The cadet sniffed. "There is no retribution for how I have sinned. Now, I must achieve Nirvana by living through several lowlier lives, trying to make it all up to him."

"All right, it was amusing fifteen seconds ago, but now, you're just creepy." Genesis steered him to the door. "Sorry for scaring you, have a nice day, achieve total peace." He closed the door with a contented sigh, wiping fake tears from his eyes. "Ah…_that_ was comedy."

If this didn't work out, Angeal was giving up and moving to Costa de Sol. Seriously.

**Week 1**

**Day 5**

Cloud pressed himself as much as he could into the little space below the secretary's desk. He was definitely sure he wasn't supposed to be here, but he couldn't help it; he was hiding, and with good reason.

"Aw, come on, Cloudy! Where are you?"

Cloud let out an involuntary whimper as booted footsteps echoed across the otherwise empty room.

There was a pleading sigh. "All I wanted to do is _talk_ to you!"

Dead. Silence. Cloud tried not to breathe. SOLDIERs had impeccable hearing.

Zack, assuming that Cloud was out of the room, bounded out the door; Cloud could practically _hear _his grin. "All right! I'll find you sooner or later, anyway!"

Cloud waited, breathing hard, underneath the desk for a few more moments, before peering up and over. No one in sight, and a telephone just in front of his nose. Perfect.

Cloud slowly stood up, grabbed the telephone and ducked back down, dialing in the memorized number.

_"You have reached the Strife household. We are not able to pick up the phone at the moment. Please leave a message at the beep."_

"Mum, please, please, _please _let me come home. I swear I won't be afraid of anything else once I get home!"

_End of message._

The number was dialed again, Cloud pressing the phone to his ear again.

"I wanna come home, Mum. I don't like it here. They want to kill me! I don't _wanna_ get killed!"

_End of message._

"Mum? Are you there?"

_End of message._

Cloud put the telephone back on the hook, slouching back under the desk. He was completely ready for a good, long saturation in self misery-and, truth be told, he deserved it.

How the mighty have fallen.

He was especially jumpy because he was suffering from sugar withdrawal. Though Cloud was a skinny, scrawny thing, he never missed out on his sugar. Now, however, he hadn't had _any _sugar for _seven days STRAIGHT. _

Cloud allowed himself to cry a little. If he'd had those bonbons from the bus now...he would've made them last...

After a little bit, Cloud finally got up, swiping at his red nose fiercely. He'd had his cry, and now he was determined to be brave, as hard as it may be. He would have will power. He would deal with it, get through, and live without sug...ar...

Cloud's mouth dropped open.

Peering around the open door was a hand, covered neatly in a surgical glove-but, for once, that wasn't Cloud's object of attention. (Not paying attention to a disembodied hand?) What Cloud was looking at was what was dangling enticingly between the hand's thumb and index fingers. It was a clear Ziploc bag, with...

(_No_, not bonbons. That's been kind of overdone already, hasn't it?)

..._creampuffs_ inside. Cloud wasn't always a big fan of creampuffs-the first ones were heaven, and then the ones after that just tasted like cardboard-but to a sugar deprived kid, it was like a lifesaver.

Then the hand slowly began to disappear, taking the bag with him. Cloud's happy face immediately went sour, then determined. The cream puffs could not go away. The cream puffs were meant to be with him, and then they would be his, and for a few blissful, blissful moments, he would be lost in a world of sugar and cream and puffiness.

(Now, within all of Cloud's fantasizing, he didn't realize that this was the perfect setup for a kidnapping, or how to lead the innocent, naïve child to his doom in some obscure horror movie. But, I mean, come on-it was _creampuffs!_)

A second later, Cloud was out in the hallway, where he just managed to spot a receding corner of the Ziploc bag disappearing around another corner. He growled. Those creampuffs weren't just going to disappear like that! They were meant to be with him! He would pursue them!

This happened for about ten more corners, except for the time when Cloud ran straight into a wall. The mysterious figure stopped and looked him over in concern, making sure that he was alright; then grinned as Cloud got determinedly once more to his feet, stumbling doggedly forward towards the creampuffs as the figure once again glided away.

Cloud was exhausted-his feet were complaining, for some reason; he hadn't walked that far, had he? And the creampuffs didn't seem to be getting any closer, no matter how hard he tried. Anyway, no one was jumping out at him anymore...and he really was exhausted; trying to sleep without his nightlight wasn't actually working. Gradually, Cloud petered to a stop, his head drooping downwards. Ah, well. The creampuffs seemed to be waiting for him, anyway. They wouldn't mind if he slept a little, did they?

Cloud's head sagged as he began to slump. Gaia, he was tired...

...but he was also smelling something...that smelled...amazing...

Cloud's eyes shot wide open. Dangling right underneath his nose were the creampuffs.

With a happy cry, Cloud grabbed the bag, opening it and beginning to stuff his mouth with creampuffs, ignoring all else besides _sugar sugar sugar! _He could already feel his hyper level spiking, his arteries getting clogged in that delightfully unhealthy way...

If he'd been paying more attention, he would've noticed that all that walking had led him up into the SOLDIER quarters from the barracks-a place where a cadet wasn't at all supposed to belong. He also would've noticed that the person who had been carefully leading him with the bag now had a hand on his shoulder, steering him towards a room in particular, and then through a door into another, narrower hallway.

Now Cloud looked up, still halfway through another creampuff though his mouth was already stuffed. How had he ended up here, exactly?

"Finally!"

Cloud looked up higher. Standing over him was Zack, with an inhumanly large grin on his face.

"You wouldn't believe how long it took to watch all those security vids to find out what happened on the bus! I _hate_ watching security vids-there are hardly _any _explosions, and I _hate _sitting still! But I found out that you like sweets, and I know they hardly give you any when you're a cadet-Gaia, I hated being a cadet-so I brought you some! I couldn't find those things that you were eating, but these looked close enough to them...do you like them? Do you, do you do you?"

Cloud tried to swallow, but he hadn't chewed the creampuffs well enough. He tried to talk, but just sprayed wet and dry flaky chunks. So, instead, Cloud settled the next best thing: a coward's retreat. He began edging towards the door to the other hallway.

"Hey, don't go! Y'know, it took forever to find a way to get you!" Zack plastered himself against the door.

Cloud looked up at him, cheeks puffed out and eyes both confused and somewhat happy from the treats.

Zack twitched.

In another second, Cloud found himself being swept up into Zack's (not at all gentle) arms, being swung around. With a muffled yelp, he flailed, but Zack wouldn't let him go until he was thoroughly squished. (And even after that, he didn't let go.)

"Aw, Cloud, that was so adorable!" Zack yelped, swinging Cloud around. "I told Angeal that I wouldn't hug you 'cause I can't hug a student, not usually anyway, y'know, but I really couldn't help it this time..."

Cloud couldn't believe it. All those nights wondering how he would die, and it wasn't at all from malaria in some obscure location; it was being choked to death by his superior officer.

Zack finally seemed to regain enough sense to realize that he was choking the object of his affection, and then gently set Cloud back on his feet. He didn't let go, though-though mercifully, he did loosen his grip.

"Sorry, Cloud," Zack said sheepishly. "But seriously…it is good to be able to finally talk to you."

Cloud didn't know what to say…and for once, neither did Zack. He just stood there and grinned, looking down at Cloud. Cloud suddenly felt a lot like a little kid…though Zack was anything but a caring parent.

"Listen…" Zack began, "I came and found you because, next week, you'll be getting your own room. I thought to celebrate; you might like to sleep on a real bed for once. I mean…you wanna spend the night, tomorrow?"

Cloud stared.

"You can bring your nightlight, if you want."

Cloud stared…and smiled.

**Week 1**

**Day 6**

Finally the end of an admittedly hellish week, and Cloud was beyond exhausted. At the same time, though, he was excited. _Finally, _he could get a good night's sleep, and use Birdie! (It wasn't the same, sleeping with Birdie on his chest…comforting, sure, but it sure hurt when he accidentally rolled over on it.)

Oh, and he would be spending the night with his superior officer turned friend in what was probably going to be a very sweet apartment. Of course, that wasn't as important as the former.

Cloud stared at the doorbell and cringed. Doorbells. Not only were they a breeding place for germs-all manner of people rang doorbells, see-but there was something inexplicably…_evil _about them. Every time someone rang one, anyway, Cloud thought it was the bell tolling for him. Even worst, what if the bell _was _tolling for him, but he couldn't hear it because the doorbell was ringing, and before he could get to his Panic Place, Death had already come for him?

Not cool. Not cool.

What about knocking?

Cloud was spared his own mental rant when Zack opened the door, looking to the left and right with a frown on his face. Cloud poked his leg, and Zack's gaze slowly migrated downwards. The customary grin sprang onto his face.

"Hey, Cloudy! Got your duffel, I see! Come on in!" Without waiting for an answer, Zack pulled Cloud inside.

**_._._._**

…Let us assume that Genesis is harassing another blond, blue eyed, vertically challenged cadet, Angeal is attempting to turn in his resignation, and Kunsel is attempting to buy a pizza, and return to the main character at hand.

** _._._._**

Zack's apartment was, as predicted, totally awesome.

This was mainly due to the fact that it was Cloud-proof.

The couch had multiple pillows, which meant that if Cloud sat down too hard, he wouldn't fracture his pelvis. The floor was thickly carpeted, which meant that if Cloud stepped too hard, he wouldn't sprain his ankle. All the electrical appliances were new and safe, which meant that he and Zack wouldn't die in their sleep from fire, poisonous gasses, or some strange evil form of The Brave Little Toaster.

"Well?" Zack leaned against the couch-extra padded arms. "What do you think?"

Cloud looked up, beamed, and said possibly the most that he'd said to Zack since the bus ride. "I love it."

"Awww," Zack cooed, ruffling Cloud's hair. "Anything for you. In fact…" His grin grew a little. "I even invited someone over, because I know you look up to them a whole lot."

Cloud looked up curiously from where he had previously been bouncing on the couch. "Really?"

"Yep," Zack said. Coincidentally, there was a knock at the door. "See? There they are. Now stay right there."

Cloud stayed. (Hey…who'd want to leave a couch that was extra padded especially for you.) He moved his duffel to the floor and resumed his bouncing.

"Okay, Cloud!" Zack said. "C'mon, now!"

Cloud bounced to his feet, skipping happily to the door.

Where he froze.

"See?" Zack said happily. "Surprise!"

Because in front of the door now stood General Sephiroth.

Twice. In one week. What were the odds?

Fate was _really _against Cloud.

"I saw that you were really nervous to talk to him, 'cause everyone was there," Zack continued to babble, oblivious to Cloud's sudden horror. "So you're _really _lucky that I'm friends with him, because now you can meet him personally! Hey, Seph…" Zack scowled, nudging the General with his shoulder. "Say something!"

Sephiroth didn't say anything, though. He seemed absolutely fixated on Cloud, moving slightly forward with a small smile, until he was towering over him. ('Looming' was the word in Cloud's mind.)

Cloud didn't move.

Sephiroth opened and closed his mouth for a moment, then smirked a little at himself, leaning down closer to Cloud.

"Bingo," he said, almost more to himself than to Cloud. "You were right, Zack."

Cloud's eyes rolled back in his head, and he would have hit the thick carpet-_hard-_if Sephiroth hadn't caught him at the last moment.

Zack sighed. "That has to be the fourth time this week."

**_._._._._**

_A/N: Okay, an apology is in order. I'm so sorry that this wasn't out earlier! My computer crashed, and Act I and an AGSZC Christmas fic that I wrote-that I was going to post the NEXT DAY-were lost. Also, my parents took me off sugar, so I'm going through sugar withdrawal. As well as my MP3 broke and my teachers thought I could handle three research papers. I'm not having a good December/January, to say the least. Only good things that happened were that I entered Odd Con (if you want to enter, you still can! Deadline's January 31__st__!) and got my Learner's Permit (Booyah!)_

_I'm not very proud of this chapter-in fact, not at all-so I'm sorry if it's disappointing._

_Thanks so much for all the reviews, favorites, and story alerts! I'm especially, especially in awe of the one person who put me as their Favorite Author/Author Alert! I've seriously NEVER been anyone's Favorite Author before. Thank you SO much!_

_**If you read this chapter to the end, PLEASE take a moment to review. It really means a lot to me!**_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Square Enix, Final Fantasy VII, or any of the characters used within this story. I am not using this fan-fiction as a way of profit._


	4. Interlude

_interlude – (meaning this is filler, not thriller.)_

_IN WHICH: Cloud discovers he cannot be rid of his worst fear, Sephiroth is curiously interested, Zack is understood, Angeal and Genesis intervene, and Cid is a pizza-man._

**._._._._._._._.**

Usually, when one announces an "interlude", it means a break from the action of the story… such as a cliffy right when the hero is hanging over a tonberry-infested gorge, or the heroine is about to wed the homicidal ogre that wishes to kill everyone with shortcakes. As none of the current characters are about to be devoured by cute evil berries, or betrothed to a monster with a passion for killer pastries, it almost appears as there is no need for an "interlude" of any sort. But since this is the very middle of the story, it seems necessary that there be an unnecessary piece to serve as filler. This is also to give the reader the chance to either do something more productive with their time-or, to fill up on snacks. The latter seems more important.

A pause to allow you to find your gummy bears.

…

And now, to the filler.

._._._._._._._.

**Shinra Military Academy**

**Week 1**

**Two Days Earlier**

Before Cloud's current unhappy predicament, there was Sephiroth.

Sephiroth and Zack, to be exact.

Zack, you see, had the unfortunate problem of being a tick. He found a warm and fuzzy victim to sink his teeth into, and hung on for dear life, sucking the life straight out of them. Sephiroth was not fuzzy, and most of the times, wasn't warm either. If Zack tried to sink his teeth in, he would no doubt chip a molar or two. Or three. Or four. Or possibly lose a tooth. This didn't stop him from happily trying, though-and Sephiroth put up with him anyway, which was a wonder.

Zack had no social grace. When dinner parties rolled around, he happened upon the stage in a drunken stupor, managing to insult half of the benefactors before someone hauled him off. Inaugurations, promotions and the sort were even worst-the Turks were ordered to shoot…

(Tranquilizers, of course…)

…if Zack even took a musical sounding first breath. Zack's Offensive Karaoke, though popular with the Third Classes, wasn't met well by anyone else.

Zack was not eloquent. When asked to give a speech, it usually ended in someone's wife bursting into tears and the husband bursting someone's nose.

Zack was confusing. When left alone with an assassin, he would befriend the man in five seconds flat. When left alone with Genesis, he would end up jumping, screaming and on fire, out of a window.

Zack Fair was possibly the worst disaster to ever hit Shinra Military.

He was also, surprisingly, General Sephiroth's best friend.

In the military-especially as head of the military-Sephiroth had seen many people. He had been tossed with brave men, stupid men, and just plain freaky men in airplanes, bomb shelters, and public gas-station restrooms (including, by very close coincidence, the very one Cloud visited near the beginning of this ridiculous story). During this period of time, he'd been faced with a grave truth.

People were interesting, all right. But not _interesting. _

If you understood what he meant by that.

No one caught his attention for long periods of time. Their versions of "quirks" were old, practiced…boring. Someone had to be either really interesting-or really crazy-to be worthy of General Sephiroth. His mind was like an elderly secretary, popping gum and carefully sorting out potential Facebook friends... as disturbing as that sounded.

Angeal and Genesis, the troublesome duo. _Interesting. _Updated to Friend Status. The lieutenant that wiped his nose on his sleeve. Boring; spam him. The sergeant who flicked his sword at the end of every match…interesting. Zack Fair, Angeal's trying mentee. _Interesting. _Updated to Friend Status.

First cadet who had dared to run away from General Sephiroth, who was also quite good at doing what Sephiroth supposed was a traditional folk dance. (Of course, he wasn't doing a traditional folk dance; he was dancing in possible fear _and_ the sudden bodily reaction that accompanies such fear. But of course, Sephiroth didn't think of that.) Cutesy, in a wide-eyed, "I'm going to wet my pants" sort of way. _Interesting. _Updated to Snooping Status.

If you were curious, this is exactly what went through Sephiroth's mind roughly five seconds after Cloud had run screeching out the door.

After the strange combat class (and someone had been dispatched to find Cloud) Sephiroth and Zack stood near the weapons rack, together. Zack had ordered one of his lackeys to get him espresso, and was currently happily sloshing it around the cup. While Sephiroth knew this couldn't bode well, it could also be quite entertaining.

"Is it supposed to feel this awesome to teach your own class?" Zack exclaimed, bringing the cup up to his face and then back down again. "I can intimidate them, and scare them _witless, _and I'll _still _be in charge. And they'll have to do whatever I say!"

Coffee cup up, coffee cup down. Sephiroth watched with a neutral expression, his eyes narrowing every time Zack almost took a sip.

"Zack," he interjected politely, once the cup had gone up again, "Where did you get the coffee from?"

Zack blinked, peering into the still virginal cup. "Eh, I scared one of the students into getting it for me." He beamed. "I've never _had _coffee before!"

Hm. The danger of the situation having no effect, Sephiroth surveyed the room boredly, listening with one ear. Most of the cadets were still there, puttering around and finding excuses to look at the General.

All except for one. Sephiroth frowned, turning back to Zack, who was once again bringing the cup up.

"So," Sephiroth began casually, "Cloud Strife, you called him?"

Zack reeled back.

"Oh sweet GAIA, Seph! He's so adorable, and I love him, and he's adorable, and Angeal said I could make him my mentee if I wanted to, and so now he's my mentee, but he seriously _doesn't know it yet! _And he's adorable. And I like him, and I want to help him out because he's…" Zack thought. "Adorable."

Not much information there. Sephiroth tried a different tactic.

"What do you know about him?"

Zack thought. His mouth opened.

"Besides him being adorable," Sephiroth amended.

The mouth snapped shut. "He's from Nibelheim," Zack began carefully, "And he didn't want to come. His mother sent him, and she wants him through the whole program. He runs away screaming a lot, but I think it's a disease of the nervous system, so he'll probably outgrow it."

Zack didn't usually use words like "disease of the nervous system". This didn't slip past Sephiroth's radar.

"Anything else?" Sephiroth pressed.

Zack stared at him, and then cracked a crooked smile. "Why do YOU wanna know?" he asked.

Sephiroth stared at him.

"I'm onto you!" Zack crowed, jabbing a finger at him. "I'm _on_toya-_ou!" _He leaned in. "You…are…"

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes back, ready to refute whatever Zack could possibly accuse him of.

"Having backwards hero worship!" Zack threw his hands in the air.

Well, if he was going to…wait, what?

"See," Zack explained patiently-in the kind of voice that Angeal would use to tell him to close the cookie jar- "Cloud has hero worship for _you, _obviously-he was actually _running away from you, it was so cute…_so when you touched each other, you got hero worship _backwards_." He grinned. "So now you like him."

Zack had a way of confusing you while at the same time going straight to the point. Sephiroth let a corner of his mouth tilt up at the thought.

"I KNEW IT I KNEW IT," Zack shrieked, pointing a trembling finger at him, "IT IS TRUE."

The quirk vanished. "What?"

"YOU'RE HAVING HERO WORSHIP BACKWARDS…I'm having Cloud over pretty soon," Zack said, fanning himself as he had a drastic mood swing. "You come over too. You can talk; and he can actually shake your hand!"

Sephiroth considered this.

"I'm telling you," Zack said, the coffee cup rising decisively. "It's hero worship. You'll look in his eyes and _know it."_

Sephiroth considered. Looking into Cloud Strife's eyes. Looking into Cloud Strife's wide, very very _blue _eyes…

Sephiroth inclined his head, smirking. "Invitation accepted."

Zack grinned at him. And then he threw back the cup of coffee and downed it in one gulp.

Sephiroth clapped him on the shoulder in a comradely way, turned around, and got the heck out of there.

Two days later, Zack casually mentioned that Cloud had been persuaded (the word "persuaded" here being used in an ominous way, such as how crime bosses "persuade" grocery store owners to pay up) to come over and spend the night. Sephiroth could stop by, if he liked.

The elderly mind secretary smirked and marked something in her day planner. Sephiroth smirked and strolled off down the hall.

That night, Sephiroth was ushered in to Zack's little apartment. The cadet came skipping up like a little schoolgirl of his own free volition…

…where he stopped dead.

Zack had said that if Sephiroth looked into Cloud's eyes, he would see blatant hero worship. There were a lot of things swirling around in Cloud Strife's eyes, for sure-including some identifiable emotion that took Sephiroth a moment to discern.

Zack was right. The kid was having bad hero worship syndrome.

"Bingo," Sephiroth said, "You were right, Zack."

And that was when Cloud's eyes rolled back in his head as he crumpled to the carpet.

_On Catching a Fainting Person_

If it must be known, catching a fainting person isn't as simple as it seems in the movies. In the movies, see, the person almost always falls backwards, conveniently onto either a couch, or their luckily plump mother, lover, or significant other. In real-life, however, the person often crumples straight down, like a cake after your dog won't stop jumping in front of the oven. If you try to catch them under their arms, they flop around bonelessly and are hard to drag to…wherever you want them to go.

The usual best thing to do, if you see someone fainting, is to quickly reposition them so that they are over a couch, or their luckily plump mother, lover, or significant other; or, to quickly run around behind them and push them upright; or, if they are smaller than you and generally easy to handle, to catch them as a prince would catch a swooning princess.

This is exactly what Sephiroth did.

_End of On Catching a Fainting Person._

._._._._._._.

Cloud had been in the bathroom for about twenty minutes straight now, which either meant that he had a bit of problem with his stomach, or that he was avoiding General Sephiroth, who was still out there sitting on the couch.

The answer was blatantly obvious.

But Zack Fair never got the blatantly obvious.

"Cloud? Clooooooud? Are you all right? Is your tummy okay? I've got some medicine in the bathroom cabinet!" Zack rapped again on the door. "Are you _okay, _Cloud?"

"Yes, sir!" came Cloud's uneven squeak from behind the door. "I'm just…safer…in here!"

Zack frowned. "It's safe out here, too!"

"No!" Cloud shrieked. "I'm staying in here!"

Zack grinned, turning to Sephiroth, and pointed at the door, mouthing _Poor kid._

Sephiroth cocked an eyebrow. He didn't buy this. There were only so many times that the same person could run to the bathroom in a panic around you before you figured out what was going on-unless you were Zack, of course. There was also the interesting fact that the cadet had seemed to have a panic attack when he'd woken up and found Sephiroth checking him. Then, he'd run to the bathroom, and stayed there.

The only thing that Sephiroth was still wondering about was _why. Why _did Cloud keep shrieking and running away every time Sephiroth got close to him? _Why, _exactly, if all that Sephiroth had really detected from him was intense hero worship? And _why, _if he had intense hero worship, did he faint dead away after just seeing Sephiroth? Usually, one would wait long enough for an autograph before they had a heart attack.

And what exactly was he doing in the bathroom for that long?

Sephiroth frowned, leaning back into Zack's squashy couch. Cloud Strife was confusing.

In a way that would've scared children, the frown morphed into a smirk.

Confusing was good. It had been a LONG time since someone had confused General Sephiroth.

And _that _certainly was _interesting. _

Meanwhile, Zack, who didn't know the meaning of personal space, had coaxed Cloud out of the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" Zack asked, ruffling back Cloud's hair. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I wanna go back in the bathroom!" Cloud squealed, trying to escape and reach the door. How had Zack gotten inside the bathroom, anyway? That was definitely scary.

But not as scary as who was sitting in the living room.

"I think being in the bathroom when your hero is in the living room," Zack said decisively, dragging Cloud behind him, "Is just plain stupid."

Cloud froze, turning and looking at him. He worked his jaw up and down confusedly. "My…hero?"

Zack grinned. "You didn't think I wouldn't _notice, _did you?" He laughed, smacking Cloud hard on the back. With a shriek, Cloud toppled forward, but was dragged upwards once again. "Don't worry, I've been there before. All you have to do is TALK…IT…OUT!" Saying so, he tossed Cloud onto the couch next to Sephiroth. "NOW!" Zack said happily, looking at the two of them, "Who wants apple juice?" And then he bounced away before either of them could answer.

Cloud scrambled into the chair opposite Sephiroth, plastering himself against the back and staring at the General with wide eyes. Sephiroth stared right back, trying to figure out if he could get away with sniffing himself. That didn't make sense, though,

There was silence as Zack began to sing in the kitchen, loud and off-key.

"So, cadet…where are you from?"

Cloud stared at Sephiroth in horror. He spoke. He SPOKE. What was he supposed to DO in a world where your worst fears sat across from you on couches and SPOKE?

(Forgetting, of course, that Sephiroth had given the cadet combat class a speech only a day or two before. But Cloud didn't think about things like that.)

On his own part, Sephiroth was quickly running through the information he had received to ask Cloud about-of course, that wouldn't make him uncomfortable in any way, of course. Cloud was as tense as a spring; menial talk usually calmed a person down.

Cloud opened his mouth and squeaked. It was an absolutely stupid thing to do. Sephiroth frowned, inching forward on the couch.

"Speak up, boy. This is the military; it's no place for the cat to get your tongue."

Cloud put his feet on the ground, dragging the chair backwards until it hit the wall, putting a good distance between himself and the General.

According to all of Cloud's extensive research (meaning, all his frightful nights spend trembling under the covers with "A Guide to the Evils of the World"), when something unbelievably evil wanted to know where you lived, it was NO good. It meant that somehow, they would end up in your hometown, kill all of your family members and smash all your possessions, and then lie in wait. Then when you came to mourn your family and petit fours, it would…

(Unfortunately, Cloud didn't know what "it would" do, for that was where the page had been torn in half, the other half being covered with a red splotch. This discovery had caused Cloud to shriek and throw the book across the room, certain that the last person to seek this book's advice had met an untimely and gruesome end. In truth, the book had been discovered by a group of bored seniors, who, having nothing better to do, carefully ripped the page in half, inadvertently spilled one's tomato sandwich on the other half, and then left the book shut on the sales table in the hurry of getting away from the library security guard.)

Never being able to know what would happen, Cloud's overactive imagination had quickly supplied a number of frightening situations. Such as, the monster taking him as a personal doll, dressing him up as a pink princess, and forcing him to eat biscuits without milk until he choked to death. OR, pinching his cheeks and hugging him like Aunt Martha, because Gaia knew nothing was quite as terrifying as Aunt Martha. OR…

Things could be inserted as necessary, as Cloud had. The point was, General Sephiroth was asking after his hometown, which could not be good. It was up to Cloud, the goodhearted yet misguided hero, to save everyone with words that would awe the monster across from him into never bothering him again.

So Cloud, scrabbling in his seat, wide eyed, opened his mouth and squeaked, "I-I…I'll N-NEVER tell you what I know! I won't end up dressed like a pink princess, and-and-and everyone knows that biscuits will KILL you if you don't eat them with milk!"

Somewhere near the end, Cloud had collapsed into shrill gasps, grabbing a pillow and clutching it against his chest in defense. His eyes peered out over the top, waiting for Sephiroth's response.

Sephiroth's response was for one silver eyebrow to rise slowly. "Well," he began, "You don't need to be ashamed of where you come from. Nibelheim is a very nice town to come from. And they are changing the SOLDIER uniforms, but not to pink."

Cloud's eyes had grown huge over the pillow. He knew where he _lived_.

Sephiroth _KNEW_ where _he_ lived.

Cloud's lower lip began to tremble, his eyes growing impossibly bigger as they began to tear. All he'd wanted to do was sleep that night with Birdie plugged in, preferably in a child-safe environment. Was that too much to ask for?

Sephiroth's own eyes widened. Apparently, home and uniform colors were tough topics for the cadet. He hadn't meant to bring it up, otherwise; since Zack knew, he thought it was common knowledge. Sephiroth got to his feet with the sincere intentions of apologizing, and offering any comfort he could.

Luckily, before any potentially damaging comforts could be given, the doorbell rang.

"Pizza's here!" Zack called from the kitchen. Coming out with two small cups of apple juice-which made one wonder what it was he was doing in there for the extension of Sephiroth and Cloud's "conversation"-he handed one to each, heading for the door. Somehow, Cloud managed to latch onto his shirt, and be whisked along with him to the door. In the face of two evils-a curiously interested General and a hyperactive scarily happy SOLDIER-Cloud definitely chose the latter.

Zack absentmindedly pet Cloud on the head, fumbling with the door lock before finally getting the door open.

To which he frowned.

"_Cid_?"

Cid spit out a toothpick on the carpet, holding out the pizza box. "Pizza delivery."

Zack took the box and handed it to Cloud. "I didn't know you delivered pizza!"

"What are YOU talkin' about?" Cid said. "I _own_ the pizza store. Highwind's Pizza Parlor. Never been a bus driver in my life."

(Which was very odd, considering that Zack hadn't even come to accusing him of being a bus driver yet.)

"Huh," Zack said, frowning. "I could've sworn…Nah." He waved his hand dismissively. "Wanna come in and eat pizza with us?"

"Yes," Cid said, and stepped inside the house, briefly looking down at Cloud.

Cloud had developed quite a hero worship for Cid after the bus incident. After all, he was the only one that even bothered to chase away the bullies on the bus. He'd felt sorry for Cloud's bonbons. (At least, Cloud thought he did.) And he'd been completely fearless of Zack's frightening appearance, Zack's frightening speech, and Zack's frightening driving. This made him the bravest person in Cloud's entire life-except for Mrs. Strife, of course, who stomped on spiders with her _bare shoes. _Okay, so maybe Cid was a little lower on the list-but he was still there.

So Cloud looked up at Cid with wide, awed eyes, and Cid looked down at Cloud with something bridging on softness, fondness, or complete disturbed disinterest.

"Hello, sir," Cloud said happily, "Do you remember me?"

Cid considered this. "No, I don't," he decided gruffly, and continued stalking into the room.

Cloud sagged, and followed with a downhearted drag of his feet. However Cid's saying that he didn't remember him, however, he made certain to pull Cloud down next to him on the fluffy armchair, after nodding amicably at Sephiroth.

Sephiroth's eyes narrowed. Cloud was looking up at Cid with a new emotion in his eyes-something that wasn't the same wide-eyed hero worship. It was something slightly different.

If he was right, he was sure that Cloud was completely terrified of Cid Highwind.

There was no other explanation for it. Cloud's feet were bouncing on the carpet. His eyes were riveted on Cid's face. He was biting his thumb, flicking his eyes nervously around the room.

What else could it be, but fear? And Cid currently was squished on the chair next to the cadet; there was no way for him to get up.

"Strife," General Sephiroth said, keeping his voice as light as possible, "Are you uncomfortable? Because you can sit here, if you'd like." So saying, he patted the side of the couch that he wasn't sitting on.

Cloud shook his head rapidly. He was JUST fine there, hiding behind his human shield/newfound hero/pizza delivery man. It almost felt as if General Sephiroth wasn't there, if he closed his eyes and squished himself inwards a little bit.

The poor boy shut his eyes and trembled with the effort of squeezing in on himself. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed into little green slits. Cid shifted uncomfortably as far away as he could from Cloud, most probably wishing that he had just left instead of coming inside and being glared at from across the room.

Or, he could've been thinking about the football game that was going to be on that night. No one could actually know what Cid was thinking.

Fortunately, Zack came back.

Unfortunately, wielding a pizza knife.

"Let's sing the pizza song, everyone!" he said cheerily, swinging the knife wildly in front of him like a conductor's baton.

Cloud retreated behind Cid with a sound wave audible to bats. Cid picked up the cushion, setting it neatly over his vital organs. Sephiroth casually leaned back, ready to drop to the floor at a moment's notice.

The song finished with a limited number of causalities, and the pizza was taken to. Cloud stuffed it in his mouth as if it was his last meal, bid a hasty goodnight to Zack and Cid but, pointedly, no one else, and zoomed off to the bedrooms. Zack excused himself, hurrying after him. Cid and Sephiroth were left with one slice of pizza, an untouched cup of apple juice, and General Sephiroth's glower, guaranteed to make people feel one hundred percent more uncomfortable.

Sephiroth's scowl was apparently interpreted by Cid as displeasure at the food.

"You know," Cid said thoughtfully, "This really did need more cheese on it. That's why I came in-you can better please the customers if you know what's wrong with your food." He scowled himself. "Not like they need to be pleased, or anything."

"I'm onto you," Sephiroth suddenly hissed.

Cid looked over at him, unimpressed. "Oh yeah? About what?"

"All that you were just doing," Sephiroth said, getting to his feet and standing dangerously over Cid's chair.

Cid just stared at him. Eventually, though, he cracked a grin that made Sephiroth pause.

"Well, I have to say; even though you're the General of an army, you can't do anything about it. If I choose to switch jobs in the middle of another one, it's my own choice. And no uppity army officer is going to tell me otherwise, either." So saying, Cid got up, blatantly ignoring Sephiroth, and pulled a cap out of his pocket. Sephiroth briefly saw a flash of "Highwind's Extermination Services" before it was clamped down over Cid's greasy hair.

"I was never here," Cid said simply, before walking to the door and letting himself out.

Sephiroth blinked.

Meanwhile, Zack had redirected Cloud into his appointed guest room, and was busily throwing things out over the bed.

"You know, it's not BAD to have hero worship for someone," he lectured, laying out a pajama top.

"I-" Cloud began.

"It can actually be quite cool," Zack continued obliviously, stretching out a pair of briefs with a snort before Cloud snatched them away.

"But I'm not-"

"I have hero worship for Angeal, but we can still get along like great friends!"

"Sir, I don't have hero worship for G-Geneh…Gene-" Cloud couldn't quite get the last part out.

Zack flicked his nose with a grin. "You're too cute, but I can tell hero worship when I see it." He pulled out a pair of boxers and waltzed around the room with them. "You look him in the eyes, and he looks in yours, and then you ask him for his autograph…" Zack sighed dreamily. "It's every cadet's dream, you shouldn't be embarrassed." Flicking the boxers across the room, Zack tossed the pajamas at Cloud, and began to stuff everything back into the duffel. "Now go say good night to General Sephiroth."

Cloud wanted badly to object, his mouth opening and closing pitifully, but Zack shot a look that left no bargaining. With a sag, and grabbing a pillow to hold in front of him, Cloud pressed himself against the wall and shuffled towards the sitting room.

Sephiroth was staring at the floor when the Cloud-pillow shuffled into the room. Cloud peered cautiously over the top to find the General staring at him with an indiscernible look. Cloud gulped.

"G-G-Goodnight, sir," Cloud said, immediately shuffling backwards.

"You're going to bed?" Sephiroth asked, getting to his feet.

Cloud stiffened. His mind screamed at him that telling the General exactly that he was going to bed, and having the man know where he slept, was not a good thing to do.

"Yeah, he's heading to bed!" Zack piped up from behind Cloud, snatching the pillow. "Aren't you, Cloud?"

Cloud tried to get the pillow back, and when he couldn't, pressed up behind Zack. "Yes," he said miserably.

"Then I hope you have a very good rest," Sephiroth said smoothly. He stretched with a yawn, and Cloud couldn't help but notice that he had very white, straight, _sharp _teeth.

Cloud was not going to be sleeping tonight.

"See you in the morning!" Zack said cheerfully.

._._._._._._.

Birdie had been plugged up. His flashlight had been turned on. He was currently suffocating himself under the covers, curled up in a little ball and waiting for any sounds.

Cloud should've been asleep by now. What was wrong?

What was wrong was that when looked at from out of the pillows, Birdie's usual soft yellow glow turned deceptively silver. Cloud figured that this was because Sephiroth's evil influence had seeped throughout Shinra, touching and tainting even the most innocent of household items. (In truth, this was because, with all of Cloud's rolling around of the past few days, he'd flicked up the power adjustment switch. Birdie was no longer dim, but instead annoying bright. But Cloud didn't know this.)

What was wrong was that his flashlight wasn't working. Cloud figured that this was because Sephiroth's mysteriously evil smirk had infected the flashlight into permanent fear. (In truth, this was because the flashlight, unlike Birdie, was not as lucky with all of the jostling it had had to go through. But Cloud didn't know this.)

What was wrong was that Cloud could hardly breathe at all through his blanket cave, like he could at home. Frantically-breathing-Cloud figured that this was because Sephiroth's evil spirit had permeated the room, and was currently pinning the blanket down in a fit of silent, evil laughter. (In truth, this was because a), Cloud's blanket at home was thinner than Zack's comforters, and b), Cloud was all wrapped up in the blankets like a cocoon.)

What was WRONG was that Sephiroth knew where he was sleeping. He knew that he was _supposed _to be sleeping. He could easily sneak up and…and…do very scary, evil things with his sword. Or something. Something evil, Cloud was _sure. _

What was wrong was that Cloud was completely miserable. (In truth, this was because Cloud was a little fraidy-cat with a passion for sweets that had somehow ended up at a military school WITH his greatest fear. Cloud did know this.)

Usually at home, Cloud would use this opportunity to open his room door, peek both ways, and then race down the hall to his mother's room, where he would then leap upon the bed, cold feet and all, and get whacked with the Pillow of Doom because his mother thought he was a "perverted burglar". All this drama usually ended up with Cloud being sent, alone, back to his room.

Cloud wished, desperately, throughout those many long years, that someone would just let him in during those night terrors. Someone warm and friendly and who preferably was bigger, or roughly the same size, as General Sephiroth.

As Cloud had none of those things, he settled for Zack.

So, Cloud gave a running jump onto Zack's bed, armed with Birdie, a non-working flashlight, and little ice cold feet. "S-Sir?" he whispered.

A groan, then a smacking sound emitted from beneath the covers. It sounded more like a zombie was under those blankets rather than Cloud's self-employed mentor. Cloud balked, ready to leap away, bash the being with the flashlight, or screech like a little girl.

(Okay, so he would probably do the latter. But at least his little blond intentions were in the right place.)

Before he could choose a potentially damaging action, however, Zack's head popped over the top of the comforters.

"Cloudy? What's wrong?"

Cloud went lax. Not a zombie. "I…I can't sleep."

Zack shot up. Cloud almost went toppling off the side of the bed.

"Really?" Zack said, freeing one hand to flail empathetically. "Don't worry, buddy, I'll help you! I have laxatives somewhere around here…that's supposed to help you sleep, isn't it?" He tilted his head to the side, frowning. "Last time I tried those, though, I had a bit of a problem…I just can't remember what it was…"

"A-Actually, sir," Cloud stuttered, "Could…could I stay with you?"

Zack stared at him. Cloud tacked on a, "Please?" and attempted to make his eyes as big and vulnerable as he could. It didn't usually work, but it was worth a try.

A slow, frightening smile spread across Zack's face. "You mean…you wanna have a sleepover?"

This situation was beginning to look dangerous. Cloud looked helplessly from side to side, but only found shadowy corners-all the more reason to stay with Zack. The last thing he wanted was to be sent back to the room that Sephiroth was haunting.

"Y-Yes," Cloud replied.

Zack let out a shriek ill-fitting the hour, surging forward and pulling Cloud into him.

"Oh my GAIA, this is like a dream come true!"

And in a split second, Cloud found himself under the covers. After a few creaks and bounces, Zack's long leg tangled with his, and a lanky arm had draped itself across his skinny chest. Cloud wiggled a little, and found a way to both hide his face under the covers so he couldn't stare at the dresser (which looked remarkably like a leering monster) and so Zack's elbow wouldn't dig into his ribs.

Zack's face suddenly appeared in front of his. "Comfortable?"

Cloud nodded gratefully, unwittingly smiling back. "Yes. Thank you, sir."

"No problem," Zack said, disappearing around behind Cloud.

"Oh!" Cloud suddenly said, burrowing out from Zack's grip. Re-grabbing the flashlight and ready to clock something, he scurried across the room, pressed Birdie into the plug, gave a hop-skip of fear when his foot touched a crusty shirt, and streaked back to the bed, pressing his face into Zack's chest.

Zack looked down at him for a moment, blinking slowly. "You," he said finally, "Are strange."

Cloud looked up at him, a hurt expression beginning to blossom on his face. All his life, he'd heard that he was strange-and it was usually used in a bad way. He wasn't _strange_, per say…just a little different.

Zack hadn't even noticed the mood shift as he continued on, "But I like that. A lot." And with a warm hearted smile down at him, Zack pulled him close and dropped his head down to the pillow.

In that moment, Cloud suddenly realized something. Zack might've been a novice instructor, and a very scary one at that. He might've been a hyperactive SOLDIER who inadvertently caused traumatizing experiences for others.

But despite all of it, he was a really, really good person.

So Cloud hugged him tightly, not quite sure if he was awake or not, snuggled closer, and promptly fell asleep.

In the dark, Zack smiled.

But not in a frightening way.

._._._._._._.

**Shinra Military Academy**

**Week 2**

**Day 1**

**Morning**

The really bad thing about being a cadet at Shinra Military Academy was that you had no clout. If a cadet was in the kitchens around the same time a cook made something virtually inedible, it would probably end up with the cadet as the taste tester. If there was the need to test an immunization shot on something else besides the worst case scenario computer scenes, a few cadets could easily be pulled out of classes. In fact, the only reason that Shinra scraped by lawsuits was because they were lucky.

_Incredibly _lucky.

This either had something to do with their status as a superpower in warfare, medicine and science…or due to the fact that President Shinra made a habit of collecting four-leaf clovers. Both ideas were plausible.

Whatever it was, it worked. Cadets who tried awful smelling foods didn't keel over, even if they were a little wobbly afterwards. The immunization shots gave common colds, and not diseases that would trigger the zombie apocalypse.

_Thankfully_ for Cloud, when he was pulled aside by a harried looking SOLDIER on his way to his next class, it wasn't to taste outdated dates or to be suddenly stuck in the arm with a scary needle.

Cloud's first impulse was to try and step around the SOLDIER. He avoided them as much as he could, after Zack's entire speech on "approaching the wrong person ending you up in a casket". This guy, however, kept stepping in his way, before finally getting annoyed and snapping, "Cadet!"

Cloud snapped to attention. The man surveyed him coolly for a moment before shuffling some papers, handing a few to Cloud. "I need to deliver these papers to a few people, but I'm short on time. Could you please give these to Angeal Hewley?"

Cloud tilted his head. Angeal Hewley sounded familiar.

"Yes sir," Cloud replied politely, shifting the papers under his arm.

"Thank you," the SOLDIER said, and promptly disappeared around a corner to bully more cadets into taking the rest of his papers.

Cloud almost looked at the papers out of curiosity, but luckily remembered at the last possible second that looking at things that didn't belong to you _without_ explicit permission ended up with you being cursed. Duh.

Holding onto things for too long was potentially scarring as well, so he decided that he had to get rid of the papers as soon as possible.

There was only one problem.

He had absolutely no idea where this strangely familiar sounding Angeal Hewley was.

The best course of action, in the case of a normal person, would be to pursue the SOLDIER who had assigned him to duty and request directions.

Cloud, however, held the firm belief that the man would suddenly turn out to be a serial killer. One with a hockey mask who killed people with lollipops. He could _definitely _not be trusted twice. So off he went, wandering down hall after hall, making himself lost like only someone like him could.

Finally, he stumbled across a secretary. She looked about in her late forties, snapping gum, her eyes glued to what was undoubtedly very important on her computer screen.

(**Marie Ericsson says **IMMA GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW, WHOOOOO

**2 people like this.**)

Cloud stood there, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, waiting for the lady to notice him. When she finally tore her eyes away and nodded at him, he held out the paper.

"Do…you know where I can find…Mr. Angeal Hewley?"

The lady looked at the paper, then back at Cloud, and then back at the paper again. "Sure, I know where to find him. Are you sure _you _want to find him, though?"

That sounded ominous. "Yes?" Cloud ventured.

The lady shrugged. "Whatever. Not any of MY business." Directions were given, and a slightly more uncertain Cloud was sent off once again.

Finally, Cloud reached a point where three hallways joined. One hallway was rather shadowy, with a **MEETING ROOM **sign over it. The other two were brightly lit, cheerily leading the way to more labyrinths.

Cloud prayed that he wasn't supposed to go to the meeting room, and looked down at the scribbled directions.

He was.

Knees quaking, Cloud walked into the center of the intersection, staring down the hallway. At the very end was a door, possibly-if he could trust the secretary-containing one Mr. Hewley.

As Cloud watched, the door opened, and another blue-eyed, blond-haired cadet came rushing out, slamming the door behind him and running for dear life down the corridor. He finally noticed Cloud, stopped, and looked him up and down.

"Hey," he said. His eyes were wide. "_You_ going in _there_?"

He jerked his head back towards the door. Cloud looked at the door, then to the cadet, nodding uncertainly.

The cadet put a hand on his shoulder. It was a comradely gesture…yet the boy's face was dead serious. "Trust me, kid…you _don't _go in there." His eyes flickered back and forth, and he clapped Cloud once more on the shoulder before scrambling off down the hall, disappearing around the corner Cloud had just come around.

Cloud was left alone in front of the now extremely ominous hallway. His teeth, quite against his will, began to chatter.

He took his signs where he got them; and everything was now telling him to NOT go in that door. He could go back the other way, and find someone else to deliver the papers to Mr. Hewley. Someone who wasn't him.

Having decided that this was the best course of action, Cloud turned around to find the way back to safe domain and his classes.

Before stopping dead.

Because, as the odds would have it, who else would be coming down the opposite hallway but General Sephiroth? His hair shone stark silver in the fluorescent lights, and the familiarly evil smirk was on his lips. He was currently preoccupied with his PHS, but knowing Cloud's luck, he wouldn't be for long.

Cloud felt like crying. What a situation to be caught in. There was no way to go down the OTHER hallway, because then General Sephiroth would definitely see him. He _definitely_ couldn't go down the General's corridor. And at his back was the door that he'd been _explicitly _warned not to enter.

He was stuck. Scary, scarier, or scariest? 

General Sephiroth let out a little chuckle at whatever he read. _Very_ white, straight, sharp teeth were temporarily flashed.

With a little, frightened sob, Cloud dashed through the door, slamming it behind him.

._._._._._._._.

Sephiroth blinked, his head snapping up from his screen. He'd been sure that he'd heard a door slam-but no one was there. He shrugged, turned off down the other corridor, and was gone.

._._._._._._.

Cloud was currently pasted on the other side of the Door of Doom, panting hard and very near tears, his eyes squeezed shut. Whatever in there was going to be horrible-maybe a mutated science experiment, or a vampire.

Instead, there was a very awkward cough.

Cloud deigned to open one watery eye.

The room, as he expected, was occupied, but not by bloodsucking creatures. Instead, there were two men; one in a chair, and one leaning against a wall. One Cloud immediately recognized-Big Zack, from the orientation, was sitting in the chair. The other wasn't at all familiar-a SOLDIER, apparently, dressed from head to toe in red. They both were looking at him oddly.

And Cloud suddenly remembered why the name Angeal had sounded so familiar. He could give him his papers and just leave. Stumbling slightly, Cloud came forward, holding out the papers with one, trembling hand.

"S-Sir," he whispered, "Here are papers for you."

Angeal, however, didn't reach out to take the papers. Instead, he stood up from his chair. At the same moment, the other guy leaned up from the wall. Cloud's eyes flickered back and forth between them, shrinking back. Something about this didn't feel right.

The guy in red looked from Angeal to Cloud, smirking. "So you're not going to say anything?"

"It's him," Angeal wheezed. "I'm sure of it."

One red eyebrow went up. "Really?" He leaned forward a little, putting a gloved hand on a terrified Cloud's shoulder. "Tell me, kid, what's your name?"

Cloud wanted to run for the door. At the same time, though, Zack's mentor was in the room; that MUST mean that everything was okay, right?

"C-Cloud Strife…sir," he said, shifting from foot to foot.

Unexpectedly, a smile-ten times more terrifying than any of Zack's-blossomed on the SOLDIER's face.

"Gotcha!" he crowed.

This was the exact moment that Cloud finally broke away and ran for the door.

Unfortunately, Angeal was already in front of it. Someone from behind grabbed Cloud's shoulder.

And Cloud shrieked.

._._._._._._.

Now would be a good time for an interlude…don't you think?

._._._._._._.

**If you have read all the way to the end, or have this story on Story Alert or your Favorite Stories list, PLEASE take a moment to review. It really means a lot to me! **

_A/N: The more I write on this story, the wackier it becomes. O.O Though edited, it still is excessively wordy, so sorry about that. The next chapter is outlined and begun, so hopefully it'll be out sooner than this one._

_Good News from Here: I'VE GROWN TWO INCHES. And that is all. BUT IT'S A START._

_Thank you SO much for all of the sweet reviews I received-especially the ones that made me laugh. :) All the alerts and favorites are overwhelming too-I really don't know what to say. THANK YOU for liking this strange story!_

_Another day, another dorky Author's Note._


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